Distant Closeness
by Francesca Monterone
Summary: "This is not your average love story, Jim."
1. Concern

**Title:** Distant Closeness  
**Fandom: **Star Trek 2009  
**Genre:** Romance / Hurt/Comfort / Family  
**Pairing:** Christopher Pike & Leonard McCoy  
**Rating:** K+

**Summary:**

"_This is not your average love story, Jim"_… Sometimes, it takes a friend to bring two people separated by space, age, way of life and personal inhibitions together. Sometimes, the safest choice isn't the most reasonable. Sometimes, the best intentions create the most horrible misunderstandings. And even though altruism may be an attractive quality, a bit of egoism can be healthy…

* * *

_I do not own any of this; I just like to play with other people's toys ;)_

_Enjoy!_

_As always, should you find any faults, please point them out. If you like it, tell me. If you don't like it, go find yourself something else to read …_

_Francesca_

* * *

Jim Kirk might not have been the most attentive or compassionate person in the universe, but he wasn't blind to his crew's moods and needs. And when one of his officers had a bad day, a near death experience, or just a couple of personal issues, the Captain was sure to learn about it some way or other. He then proceeded to try and come up with a solution, help or just a few comforting words.

Leonard "Bones" McCoy had just had one hell of a bad day. In fact, it was not so much a REALLY bad day, as actually a REALLY bad week; and from Jim's point of perspective, his favorite doctor was on the brink of a major nervous break-down. Considering that this was Bones, a break-down most likely meant alcohol and retreat to his personal dark universe of doubts and self-accusations, and Jim would have none of that.

He therefore left the bridge earlier than usual, leaving Spock in charge of running things while he was on his mission to make Bones feel better. Using the Captain's override codes to unlock the door, he silently slipped into his friend's room, but stopped short in his tracks, when he heard voices. There was no way to be sure, but Jim could have sworn that one of the voices belonged to a very old friend of his, and although it would have seemed odd to anyone else that Bones should be talking to someone who was light-years away, whom he had not seen in a long time and who was neither a relative, nor a very close friend, it didn't surprise Jim too much.

It had not been his intention to listen to this private conversation, but curiosity got the better of him and he stepped as close as he dared without having to fear to be noticed. He heard Bones speaking softly and relating the events of the past week that had upset him so much. The man on the other end of the subspace connection listened patiently, carefully edging him on and coaxing the whole story out of him, feelings of guilt, anger and helplessness included.

"You do realize, of course, that none of this is your fault, do you?" He asked and Jim was amazed to hear this much kindness and concern in a voice that was usually stern and serious. "No, no, listen to me… _it was NOT your fault_. You have an unhealthy tendency to always blame yourself for events you could not possibly have prevented from happening. You did nothing wrong, Leonard, absolutely nothing. In fact, I'd give you a commendation for handling all this as well as you did, if you were serving under my command."

_Good_ _point_, Jim silently acknowledged. _I might do that, too._

"I failed them. I should have been able to save them, it's my job as the ship's CMO… goddammit, I'm here to heal people, not to watch them die!"

"You did NOT watch them die," the other man retorted quite sharply. "I know you, Leonard, and I know that you've tried everything in your power to save their lives. But there are forces in the universe that are stronger than you and me or modern medicine, and one of them is death. You can't always save everyone, no matter how hard you try. I've told you that, time upon time. When you couldn't save them, you stayed with them, you did not leave them alone, you took care of them and made sure they wouldn't be in pain during their last moments of life. Don't underestimate that. Taking away pain and just being present is a huge gift to give someone who's leaving this world. Even if they died, they did not die alone. That means a lot."

_Wow, he's good_, Jim thought, _I could never have come up with something like this. It's absolutely true and it sounds so… right, somehow. Comforting._

He heard Bones swallow hard, before replying: "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. You understand what I'm trying to tell you, though, don't you?"

A brief moment of silence, in which Bones probably nodded, passed, then: "I'll never get their faces out of my mind, though. They were just… they were too young to die. It shouldn't have happened. And I'll miss them. I'll never forget those last few moments I spent with each of them…"

"Of course you won't. Many people will remember them as the wonderful, talented young people they were. But you've got to let go. I know it's easier to say than to do, especially for you, but you've got to try." A soft sigh. "I hate to say it, but your self-estimation upon entering Starfleet was probably right. You're not entirely fit for this kind of life. You're the most brilliant, talented doctor in the Fleet, but you're also the most compassionate being I've ever met. It's one of your greatest strengths and at the same time makes you so vulnerable…" His voice trailed off, probably overwhelmed by the emotion that had colored his last few words.

Suddenly, Jim felt like a child who had watched a very private moment shared by his parents. Somehow, it didn't feel right, and it made his cheeks burn.

Bones whispered something that he did not quite catch, before adding: "Thanks. Thanks again."

"What for?"

"You know… just being there, whenever I need someone to talk to."

"I'll always be there for you. You remember that, when space gets too cold and dark a place to be alone with."

"I will. I just wish…"

"Me, too."

"I…"

"Don't. Some things are better left unsaid. I know, anyway. Now, stop tormenting yourself and get some sleep, alright? You look like you really need it."

"Mhm."

"Sleep well, Leonard."

And then the voice from far, far away, from a little blue planet that circled a yellow sun, was gone. It was only after a few awkward moments had passed that Jim dared to step closer. Bones was sitting at his desk, staring at the blank screen in front of him. He started, when Jim stepped beside him.

"Jesus, Jim, don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I'm sorry, Bones. I just came to see how you were doing…"

"I'm fine," his friend muttered, sounding neither very convinced nor very convincing.

"Did talking about it help you a little?"

"You were listening?" Bones sounded surprised and a little annoyed, but then he sighed. "Guess I should have known. Yeah, it did. Somehow, it always does."

"Well, I'm glad."

After this statement, an awkward silence hung between them, until Jim asked very quietly. "You love him very much, don't you?"

Bones started again, then shook his head, scowling at Jim. "That's none of your damn business."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Bones. He's a good man. He absolutely deserves your regard. It's just… well, I guess it's strange, somehow. Him being so far away and the two of you never meeting in person and everything…"

"This is not your average love story, Jim. Hell, it's not a love story at all, actually. We've never as much as had a relationship or anything of the kind."

"Yes you do", Jim replied. "It's just not… average. But consider this, Bones: Who's always the first one you contact whenever you feel bad? And don't try to deny it, because I know. I know, because most of the time, he calls me afterwards to tell me to keep an eye on you or ask me how you're doing. He's concerned about you. Very much so. And tell me, has he ever forgotten your daughter's birthday? Who keeps sending you books, Swiss chocolate and the bourbon you so enjoy? He knows you, Bones, probably better than anyone else, myself included. I bet he could walk through a department store with his eyes closed and point out the things you would or would not like. He could quote your favorite movies and would know how to prepare your favorite foods. If that's not love, then tell me what it is."

He thought that he caught a faint glimmer in Bones' stormy blue eyes and felt that he'd drawn the right conclusions.

"Whatever," the doctor muttered, "it's not supposed to be. It never was."

"Love isn't something you plan or avoid, Bones. It just happens. And I think it was time you admitted that you love, adore, need Christopher Pike. And that you might want to take this one step further and finally tell him about it. Yes, I know you've tried. And I know he wouldn't let you. But you know why? He's afraid you'd get hurt. He's afraid it would be too hard for you, having to choose between him and the stars."

"That's out of the question anyways. I've made a commitment."

"I know. We all have. You, me, him… everyone on this ship, everyone in Starfleet has. I just don't think that it should stand in the way of your personal happiness."

"That sounds very simple, Jim. Things just aren't as easy as you picture them to be."

"I'm sure they aren't. But that's no reason to shy away and run from your feelings. It won't do, Bones. You can't lock your heart into a cage and throw the keys away. It just doesn't work. Believe me, I've tried. I've tried numerous times, and I've always failed. Spock's right. We're weak, illogical creatures. But that's what makes being human so intriguing."


	2. Scheming

_- "It takes two to speak the truth — one to speak, and another to hear."-_

_- Henry David Thoreau -_

_

* * *

_

Bones felt, as if he were moving through his day like a zombie. The hours sluggishly crept past and all the time, the two now-empty biobeds in sickbay reminded him of the two young ensigns who had died there.

Died. Here. In his sickbay.

Bones had been face to face with death countless times, but most of those times, he had struggled with it and won the fight. Not this time, though.

And they had been so YOUNG. Barely more than teenagers.

He clenched his teeth, silently cursing life, the universe and everything.

He hadn't lied to Jim, telling Chris about it and listening to his comforting words and reassurances _had_ made him feel better. Yet it had also left him with another not so pleasant feeling that he could have done without. It was familiar, this feeling. Like a great void within him that he knew would never be filled. A longing, a pain that would never really go away. It had nestled comfortably somewhere on the subconscious level, from where it occasionally emerged to plague Bones with recurring daydreams and nightmares, but at least he'd had it somewhat in check. Until the previous night, that was. And damn Jim for dragging it up and allowing it to get stronger again!

_It's impossible_, he reminded himself, _and don't you even dare dream about impossible possibilities!_

It was illogical, painful and quite probably unhealthy to long for something that would never ever be within his grasp, simply because the fundamental make-up of the universe would not change for his sake, and everyone from Spock to Chris himself would agree with him on that account.

Therefore, following Jim's advice was positively ridiculous.

_Some things are best left unsaid._

And yet the words hidden deep within his soul were struggling to break free.

* * *

There was nothing as dangerous in the universe as crossing Jim Kirk's path when he had a mission to fulfill, and at this very moment he did.

Mission: Making Bones happy, some way or other.

Means: As of yet, unknown, although he had a whole bundle of good ideas.

First step: Finding allies and plotting a course.

His first ally would naturally be Spock, as Jim shared nearly everything with his Vulcan SIC. Besides, Spock's genius and resourcefulness would certainly come in handy sooner or later and despite their constant bickering, he was actually close friends with Bones and genuinely liked him. Therefore, Jim lost no time and proceeded to enlist his friend's help.

Spock just raised his eyebrows, when he had finished his little speech about Bones and the necessity to give the good doctor a push (or maybe a punch?) in the right direction.

"Are you entirely sure that meddling with our friend's most private affairs is a good idea?" Spock asked.

Jim glared at him. "Don't get all moral about it. Sometimes, the ends justify the means, and I'd say, a bit of meddling is in order to get Bones where he ought to be – which would be a lot closer to Chris Pike than he is now."

"And I am guessing you mean to say closer in the physical sense, rather than the emotional…"

"Well, they already are pretty close, emotionally. No doubts there. Yes, your absolutely right, Spock. I meant physically. And isn't it lucky that we're due for shoreleave in little over a month? It provides the perfect opportunity."

"You will need Admiral Pike's help in this," Spock concluded and Jim slightly winced at that.

"Yeah. That's about the only thing that has me worried."

"The Admiral might not appreciate your interest in his private life."

"Which is a very nice way of saying that he'll have my head if I mess with his affairs."

"So you agree that it is not such a good idea."

"I didn't say that. I'll just have to be a little careful around Chris. He'll be grateful to me in the end, but I probably shouldn't let him in on what I'm planning too soon."

"Then you're faced with a dilemma," Spock concluded. "How will you get Admiral Pike to cooperate with you, if you're not planning on telling him why you need his help?"

"I'll find a way."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"Jeez, aren't you the optimistic one tonight, Spock. Show a little more confidence in my intelligence and abilities, will you?"

Spock did not grace him with an answer to this. Maybe he thought it pointless to add anything.

* * *

Apparently, fortune had taken sides and was favoring Jim once again. Little more than two hours after his conversation with Spock, he received a welcome and not entirely unexpected call.

"Well, hi there, Chris. How are you?" Jim was fighting hard to keep that self-satisfied grin off his face. _I knew it! I knew he'd call!_

"I'm fine, thank you Jim. I'm not interrupting you, am I?"

Jim shook his head emphatically. "No, I'm off duty and I'm not due for my fencing lesson with Sulu for another hour and a half, so don't worry about it. And you know that I always enjoy talking to you." He smiled, letting all of his fondness for the older man show. Chris Pike was the one who'd gotten him into Starfleet, who'd seen his potential when Jim himself had been barely more than a rebellious teenager and somehow, Jim had a suspicion about the Admiralty's surprising decision to make him captain of the Enterprise at twenty-five and after he'd broken just about every rule in the book…

Chris had stepped down for him, and Jim was not going to forget that anytime soon.

_I owe him, just as I owe Bones._

Focusing again on the conversation, he answered his former mentor's questions on their mission, recent events and life on the Enterprise in general. He knew that this was just a sort of warm-up before Chris would turn to the topic that _really _interested him.

"So you lost five people during that last away mission?"

Jim nodded grimly. "It was a terrible accident. We were exploring a part of the planet surface that previously had shown no sign of geological instability, and all off the sudden there was this major earthquake producing an earth-slide and cave-ins all around us. Scotty and Chekov tried to pull out everyone as fast as they could, but we still ended up with three dead and several people hurt so badly that we barely got them to sickbay alive. Bones worked several miracles that day. I mean, I was certain that no one would ever survive those kinds of injuries, but he managed to put Hayden, Lasalle and Vargas back together and they're out of danger now. We lost Katie Bennett and Javier Montero, though."

"It's always hard to lose people you've known and worked with, but sadly, it's just part of our job description. I've always hated that part, though." Pike remarked.

"Well, yeah, who doesn't?"

They were silent for a moment, before Pike asked the question Jim had known he would ask all along.

"How is Leonard dealing with it?"

_There. You let it slip!_

Jim knew of course that they were on a first-name basis since the time Bones had saved Chris' life after Nero's bug had almost managed to kill him, but usually, Chris was careful to call Bones _Dr. McCoy _when mentioning his name to others.

"It's pretty hard on him right now. He's blaming himself for no reason and no matter how many of us have tried to talk some sense into him, he just won't believe us that he did a remarkable job and that it really isn't his fault. Spock's told him that he's behaving in an illogical and irrational way, Uhura's hugged him, Anne Vargas' family has been all over him to thank him for saving their daughter's life, I've tried to get his mind off the whole thing, but he just won't accept that there's nothing he could have done. He's like that sometimes. It's connected to that old story about his father; he's still feeling guilty about that one."

"I see," Chris muttered.

"You might want to talk to him again in a couple of day's time," Jim suggested.

Chris raised his brows. "And how do _you_ know I already have?" There was mild disapproval in his voice.

"Um… well, I'm not deaf. Or blind. Or stupid, for that matter." Jim smiled wryly. "You always do. And then you always call me to ask about him afterwards."

"Usually when I call you, it's because I want to talk to you," Chris replied rather stiffly.

Jim suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at him. "Sure. And I absolutely appreciate it. It's no crime to be concerned about Bones, too, though. I can handle not getting your undivided attention."

Chris snorted, apparently caught between a frown and a laugh. "You're getting pretty much everybody else's, aren't you?"

"Exactly. And to answer the question you have _not_ asked: no, I don't think that Bones is going to get over it anytime soon. Not this time. He's exhausted, both emotionally and physically. It's a good thing we're due for shoreleave pretty soon. I'm already racking my brains trying to come up with a way to get him away from everything medical or space-related and to _really_ relax. It's a little unfortunate that Chekov has invited all of us to Russia for his sister's wedding. I doubt that it'll be the place for Bones to forget about it all for a while, especially if half the crew is going to be there."

Jim was watching Chris closely out of the corner of his eye, trying to assess the impact of his words.

Chris seemed pensive for a moment, before asking: "So… what do you have in mind?"

Jim shrugged. "If all else fails, I might take him for some camping and mountain climbing again, though he was absolutely miserable last time, constantly fretting about what might happen to me if I fell off that cliff… but at least, it'd probably take his mind off that accursed away mission."

Chris did not seem too happy at this prospect, as Jim noted gleefully. "You do know that your recklessness will be your undoing one of these days, do you?" he asked, sighing.

Jim just grinned at him.

"However," Chris continued quite seriously, "I had the impression that you were about to ask me something."

"Who, me?"

"Quit playing the innocent, Jim, and get to the point. You've been beating about the bush long enough now."

"Aw, you're taking all the fun out of this," Jim complained. "All right then, but don't get mad at me for telling you this. I think that YOU need to take care of Bones this time. Not me, not Spock, not Uhura, but YOU. We're his friends, to be sure, but I think he needs a little more than friendship right now, if you get my meaning."

"And what makes you think that?" Chris replied tight-lipped.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake, come on!" Jim cried in exasperation. "Don't be such a fool about it. I can hardly handle one self-denying idiot among my friends, and much less two of them! I'm not going to spell it out for you like I did for him, because I believe you to be a lot more reasonable. What I'm saying is that this unresolved situation is tearing at both of you and that it might just be healthier to shape it into something a little more commonplace and manageable. There's nothing that dangerous about admitting to each other – and everyone else – how you feel, so you might just stop acting like scared children. What I'm asking of you is quite simple, actually. I'm asking you to come and see Bones once we're on shoreleave, to take him somewhere and spend time with him; to hug him, kiss him, have sex with him if you feel like it, to make him happy and get him to laugh again."

The effect his words had on Chris was… rather surprising. Jim had sort of expected him to turn red and shout, but instead he turned pale, his face unreadable. Then, without another word or gesture, the screen went blank.


	3. Misery

"_What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love." _

_- Fyodor M. Dostoevsky -_

_

* * *

_

"So, he's probably totally pissed at me right now", Jim finished his account of the conversation between Christopher Pike and himself.

Spock raised an eyebrow at his choice of words, before asking: "Do you think that this is going to permanently affect your relations with Admiral Pike?"

Jim shrugged. "Nah. Not really. He's mad at me right now, but he'll eventually realize I was right."

Uhura sighed, shaking her head. "You know Jim, it's a good thing you're a Starfleet captain…"

"Huh? And why's that? I mean, obviously it is, but what has that got to do with Bones and Pike?"

"Well, it's a good thing, because you'd suck as a counselor."

Jim was tempted to stick out his tongue at her, but decided that such conduct was not becoming of a Starfleet officer.

"You had better apologize," Uhura admonished. "He is, after all, your superior, and he's still quite influential with Starfleet Command. Call him and tell him that you regret your meddling. He may be angry at you, but he's never been unfair. He'll accept the apology."

"I can't."

"Don't be childish. Of course you can. You've already managed to make a fool of yourself, you won't lose your face in apologizing to him now."

"That's not what I meant, Nyota. I _can't _apologize, because he won't talk to me. I've tried, but he refuses to even take the call."

"That's ridiculous!" Uhura exclaimed.

"Perhaps," Spock inserted calmly, "you ought to employ a mediator. It would be logical to ask Dr. McCoy for help, as he is a close friend of both you and Admiral Pike and also personally involved in the matter."

Jim had to fight hard to keep the self-satisfied grin off his face. He had expected Uhura to make this very suggestion, but it was even better coming from Spock. After all, who could doubt his course of actions if he had the forces of logic behind him?

It was hard, but he managed not to show his contentment and instead replied with a deep frown: "He'll hate me for having spoken with Pike in the first place. He'll probably curse me and stab me with unnecessary hyposprays for the next month."

"Serves you right," Uhura said spitefully.

* * *

"You WHAT?"

Bones looked as if he was about to turn into a supernova and explode in Jim's face any moment now. Jim watched him in concern. He felt neither surprised nor very alarmed at this development, but prudently took a step back to avoid any immediate physical confrontation.

"GODDAMMIT, JIM!"

Okay, so maybe he should start running now…?

"Hey, I was only trying to help…!"

"THE HELL YOU WERE!"

"Listen, Bones, you may shout at me all you want, but if you get right down to it, I only did what any good friend of yours would have done… I mean, this situation is barely tolerable, and it's making both of you miserable."

Admiral Pike had not looked particularly miserable during their last conversation, but Jim wisely decided to keep that piece of information to himself. Pike was way too composed to judge from appearance, anyway. He had probably suffered through the tortures Nero had inflicted upon him without even flinching or blinking…

"Jim, just how many times do I have to tell you to mind your own business? You may be the Captain of this ship, but that DOESN'T give you the right to interfere with your crew's most private matters! Which part of _stay the hell out of this _did you not understand?"

"Okay, so I made a mistake, Bones. But I did so in your best interest. I _want_ you to be happy."

"Do you really?" The doctor replied lividly. "Cause it sure isn't showing! You want me to be happy? Fine. Stop meddling and leave me alone!"

"Fine." Jim crossed his arms. "But there still remains this little matter with Pike. He refuses to even talk to me!"

" I can't blame him!"

"Well, yeah, but how am I supposed to apologize to him, if he won't listen?"

Bones pondered this for a moment, looking at him skeptically. "You want to apologize to him…?"

Jim sighed in what he thought to be a rather convincing way. "Look, Bones you're telling me that I overstepped some lines and I'm sorry. I'd like to make amends. To you and to him. You know that we're close personal friends and I'd hate to lose his regard over something as silly as this."

"I guess that makes sense," Bones grudgingly admitted. "Alright, Jim. I'll tell him you're sorry."

"Thanks."

"That doesn't mean I've forgiven you, though. What in the world were you thinking…?"

"Um… not much, I guess…" Jim looked at him sheepishly.

Bones rolled his eyes. "Has anyone ever told you you're an idiot, Jim?"

"You have. Quite frequently, actually."

"Cause it's true."

"Okay, so… apart from me being an idiot… can we be friends again…?"

Bones sighed in exasperation. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Great!" Jim smiled his most sincere, sunny smile at him.

Bones groaned. "You're such a child, Jim."

* * *

Sleep would not come to him that night until the wee hours of the morning, and when it came, it was haunted by feverish, fragmented dreams that would not allow him to rest. He rose again at dawn, crossing the room and walking around in an agitated manner until finally coming to a stop at the large window that let in the cool morning air.

Yet neither the smell of blossoming honeysuckle nor the cheerful twittering of the birds that fluttered about in the garden helped him to relax.

He was still furious at Jim, whom he had come to regard as something of an adoptive son; the son he had never had but would have been proud of. It was this strange affection he had long felt for the Enterprise's young captain that caused him to feel betrayed now.

A child should respect the privacy of his elders, and to Christopher Pike, Jim Kirk was little more than a child, though he would never have admitted that to anyone.

And how dare Jim lecture him about what to do? It was bad enough that he _knew_, that he had found out or guessed more than Chris was comfortable with, but it was unforgiveable that he had chosen to act upon this knowledge.

Chris fancied himself a pretty tolerant man, but to have Jim call him a fool and an idiot was unbearable.

_He's always been straightforward, and his frankness, though often painful, can be a real asset, but this… this is beyond the pale._

Chris might have forgiven Jim for calling him names. He might even have forgiven him for sticking his nose where it didn't belong.

He could not, however, forgive him for making the solution to this whole, impossibly tangled problem sound so childishly easy. It made Chris feel like a fool and he hated it.

_What I'm saying is that this unresolved situation is tearing at both of you and that it might just be healthier to shape it into something a little more commonplace and manageable._

_Sure, Jim. That's just like telling caveman to fly to the moon…_

If it were that easy, he'd have done something about it long ago…

He remembered with painful clarity one of those rare moments of companionable solitude he had shared with Leonard. They had almost always moved in a crowd, but this cherished memory led him back to a sunny summer's day, the smell of freshly mown grass mingling with the salty wind from the Bay, seagulls' yearning shrieks and a leisurely stroll in the park that had turned into a far more intimate moment as they had sat down to rest. Chris had still suffered from the aftereffects of Nero's ministrations and long walks had been quite beyond what his recovering body could manage, so they had chosen a secluded spot in the shade of a large tree to interrupt their journey up the hill. The short grass had felt soft under Chris' hands, inviting him to make himself comfortable; and as he sat down, Leonard had stretched out upon the lawn, his head coming to rest in Chris' lap, blue eyes shut as if he didn't dare to look up for fear of regretting the boldness of his gesture. Chris, however, had been thrilled, and had felt a rush of almost painful tenderness towards the other man. A strange longing had filled his chest and he had carefully brought up one hand to stroke the tousled black hair, while Leonard had sighed and neither of them had spoken a word.

_There's nothing that dangerous about admitting to each other – and everyone else – how you feel…_

_If only I knew myself how to describe and express what I feel, Jim! If I knew, don't you think I'd have done it by now? Don't you think I'd have at least opened my heart to Leonard…?_

But at the same time, he was scared of Leonard's reaction. What could you do with the declaration of a love that had no chance in the world of ever being fulfilled? What sort of promise was this to give to a loved one; _I love you, I need you, but I cannot act upon it?_

_I think that YOU need to take care of Bones this time… there's not a thing in the world I'd rather do, but I just don't know how…_

Yet had not Jim himself provided him with a possible solution to this problem?

_What I'm asking of you is quite simple, actually. I'm asking you to come and see Bones once we're on shore-leave, to take him somewhere and spend time with him; to hug him, kiss him, have sex with him if you feel like it, to make him happy and get him to laugh again._

_Quite simple…? Jim, you've got to be kidding me…!_

Yet the words haunted him.

_What am I to do?_

_

* * *

_

Even though he had more or less made peace with Jim, Leonard continued to be troubled by the knowledge of his Captain's conversation with Chris Pike. He had promised to call Chris to mediate between him and Jim, but he put off the call again and again.

It would be… awkward. Awkward, because Jim's meddling basically forced him and Chris to talk about a subject they usually avoided at all costs. They had agreed early on that their mutual affection was something that could not be described in conventional terms and had vowed never to endeavor to explain it. Yet not expressing an emotion so deeply felt had proven to be exceedingly difficult.

There were days when he contemplated severing all his relations to Chris and never seeing him or talking to him again. As tempting as that idea was, though, he knew that he would never be able to do it. He might suffer now, but his suffering would infinitely increase if he attempted to cut the cords linking him to Chris. It just could not be done.

Sometimes dream pictures would invade his waking hours. He went back to the last time he had parted with Chris. Back to catching the surprisingly lithe body in a close embrace, back to doing something he had never dared to do before: kissing Chris; kissing him with a desperate, feverish urgency that erupted into silent tears when a tender hand moved up his neck to stroke his hair…

_You love him very much, don't you?_

_Yes, damn you Jim, I do! There's nothing I could do about it and it hurts._

As it was, Leonard always went back to calling Chris, because even though it made him feel the pain of their separation more acutely, talking to him was still preferable to maintaining no contact at all.

_Masochistic tendencies, Leonard… a stronger man would probably have resolved this situation long ago instead of suffering along…_


	4. Talk to me

_- "Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent." – _

_- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe -_

_

* * *

_

Chris was staring at the screen in front of him blankly, having temporarily lost his power of speech.

Actually there was nothing particularly disturbing or threatening about the depiction of the Fleet's official emblem and the familiar script reading _Incoming Call from Starship NCC-1701, USS Enterprise, Dr. Leonard H. McCoy. _And yet it took Chris a long moment of painful hesitation to press the _'accept'_ button.

As the emblem slid away, he was met with a familiar face and a pair of serious deep-blue eyes. Too serious. Those eyes were supposed to laugh, to twinkle with amusement, or at the very least to narrow slightly when the man in question pulled his grumpy face that fooled anyone but his closest friends.

"Leonard."

Oh, how he had dreaded this conversation; and how he had longed for it! _Too much time spent waiting… too much time wasted waiting…_

"Chris. I hear you are giving poor little Jimmy-boy the silent treatment." There was the laughter he had missed before, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. It was only a cover for something more important, something he didn't want to reveal just yet…

"Did he come crying to you?" Chris asked in the same slightly sarcastic tone of voice.

"Well, sort of. You know Jim. He's too cocky to ever really admit a mistake. Screaming at him usually helps, though."

"Did you scream at him?" Chris could easily imagine that scene and he was chuckling as he did so. "I'd have loved to be there."

"It got kinda noisy for a while, but it served the purpose. Jim was at least half a head smaller afterwards and he's asked me to deliver his most sincere apologies."

"Wait a minute… Jim Kirk apologizing? Well, that must be a first one."

"It is. Anyway – would you care to forgive him…? Because really, a pouting Jim is even more unnerving than his usual overconfident, slightly egomaniac self."

"Probably bad for the crew-morale, too," Chris agreed, "Yes, seeing that you've already lectured him on messing with other people's business and that it's _you_ asking, I might be entreated to forgive him. I'll make him pay dearly, though."

"How so?" Leonard raised his brows.

_Well, it's now or never…_

"I'm going to steal his CMO and best friend away for an entire week of shoreleave, and maybe more. Depends on your plans."

For a minute or two, it was _very_ quiet on the other end of the subspace connection and Chris watched varying emotions flutter over Leonard's face. It was only when he started to feel light-headed that he noticed he had been holding his breath.

"You're not serious. Chris, you don't have to…"

"Yes, I do. And what's more: I want to. I happen to know that you were miserable when you accompanied Jim and Spock on that mountain-climbing trip last time, and I want to make sure that doesn't happen again. You need a break."

"Well, I won't argue that, but…" He looked mostly confused now.

"No buts. I'll take care of it; I'm starting to get a little bored down here, anyways. You have nothing to worry about; I promise you it won't be anything as strenuous as watching Jim nearly break his neck."

"So no mountain-climbing with you, huh?"

"I prefer to spend my rare vacations relaxing, not driving other people mad by risking my life."

"Sounds reasonable, I guess."

"I'm a pretty reasonable person, Leonard, hadn't you noticed that…?" Chris teased, trying his best not to let the conversation get too awkward.

"How _do_ you spent your vacations? When you're not stealing away people, that is… I somehow can't picture you sunbathing or playing beach volleyball…"

Chris snorted. "Beach volleyball? No… I never tried, actually. Truth is, I'm pretty boring when it comes to spending my free time, but I'm sure you've noticed that already."

"I'd have called it _'classy and sophisticated'_, but if you insist on being boring…"

"Stop paying me compliments, you're making me blush," Chris retorted, unable to hide his smile.

"Ha! As if _I_, as if _anyone_,could make you blush!"

"_You_ could," Chris muttered, more to himself than to Leonard.

Either Leonard hadn't heard the comment, or he chose to ignore it. "You still haven't answered my question, though. What do you do on vacation? Where do you go?"

"Come with me, and you'll find out."

Leonard hesitated a moment, and when he replied, his words came out far more serious than before. "Tempting. But… you know, Chris… hell, this is awkward. Anyway, you probably know what I want to say, do you?"

_Unfortunately_.

"Right. We had an agreement." Chris felt his fingernails dig into his palms. "If it's too much to ask…"

"Hell, no, Chris! I'd love to be there with you… it's just… well, Jim made me admit a few things I never wanted to say out loud, and I'm somewhat confused now. " He looked startlingly helpless when he said those words and Chris ached with the wish to touch him, to draw an arm around him, stroke his cheek and tell him that no matter what happened, it was going to be alright.

"You don't have to decide right now, you know," he said, trying not to let any hint of disappointment show on his face. "Think about it…"

"Sure…"

* * *

"Christine, would you _please_ hit me for being the biggest idiot in this quadrant of the universe?" Leonard groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

His head nurse and friend looked at him questioningly and not without concern. "What did you do, Len?"

"It's more about what I _didn't _do. Let's say – just hypothetically, okay? – you were in love with someone you very rarely got a chance to spend time with and that person asked you to spend some time with them during shoreleave – wouldn't turning down that offer be the biggest idiocy ever?"

Christine Chapel raised her elegantly curving eyebrows. "Does the person in question know you're in love with her?"

"We never talked about it… not out loud… but yes, I suppose so." Leonard was too absorbed in his own thoughts to correct her use of the female pronoun.

"Huh. May I ask why you turned down the offer…?"

"Because I'm stupid, obviously," Leonard muttered, shaking his head, "and a coward, and scared of what might or might not happen."

"I take it there are other obstacles besides not being able to spend much time together?"

"Obstacles? That's an understatement. It's _impossible_."

"Is she married?" Christine asked bluntly.

Leonard looked up at her for the first time during their conversation. "No. But it just so happens that _he_ is a Starfleet hero ranking several echelons above me, that our commitments don't allow us to be together, that neither of us has ever been with a man before; and the age difference of about fifteen years doesn't make things any easier."

Christine gasped and stared at him. "Oh my…! Leonard, you _can't_ be serious!"

He sighed. After all, her reaction was quite understandable, wasn't it?

* * *

"Commander, I need to speak with you. It's rather urgent."

Spock raised his eyebrow at the obviously distressed blond woman who stood in front of his work-desk, awkwardly wringing her hands. This was odd. He knew Christine Chapel as a pretty reasonable, composed person who kept cool even during the most difficult medical emergencies.

"Of course, Nurse Chapel," he replied, deciding that whatever was bothering her, it was probably important enough to interrupt his work for half an hour.

"It's about Dr. McCoy."

Now that was an interesting piece of information, Spock mused. As far as he knew, the nurse and her superior got along very well and made for a reliable and efficient team. And if she really had a reason to complain about McCoy, why speak to him and not go directly to the Captain? She was on friendly terms with Jim Kirk, too.

"Would you care to sit down?" Spock asked politely.

"Yes… thank you." She hesitated, fidgeting slightly. "You know, I wouldn't… I mean, I don't usually participate in gossip or meddle with my crewmates' affairs, but… but I had a feeling that this was just too important to ignore. It troubles me, and I fear it might affect all of the crew in the future."

"If that is so, why did you come to me, instead of Captain Kirk?"

"It's… I…" She looked thoroughly uncomfortable now. "It… well, it's because I believe Captain Kirk to be personally involved."

"Personally," Spock echoed, "They are friends…" Yet why that would be any reason for concern was completely beyond him. Starfleet did not discourage friendships among its officers. He himself was proud to call several of the _Enterprise's_ crewmembers his friends.

"Yes," Nurse Chapel said, "Because you see, I believe that Dr. McCoy is in love with the Captain."


	5. Flüsterpost

"_Trifles light as air  
Are to the jealous confirmations strong  
As proofs of holy writ."  
- William Shakespeare, __Othello -_

_

* * *

_

„Captain…"

Jim looked up, smiling at his first officer. „It's Jim when we're alone, Spock."

„Jim. I would like to ask you a personal question."

"Anytime, Spock. Ask away."

"Dr. McCoy is your friend, is he not?"

"Yes, of course, Spock, he's one of my best friends, but you know that already, so why do you ask?"

"Christine Chapel asked to speak with me today. She told me she suspected Dr McCoy of being in love with you. I thought it my duty to bring this to your attention."

"Duly noted."

A moment of silence passed in which Spock tried to figure out his Captain's facial expressions… and failed. Despite being half-human himself, to him, interpreting human emotional reactions was like reading Chinese upside down.

"You do not wish to comment on the matter, Jim…?" That would have been a first one. Usually the young Captain had an opinion to voice on everything and anyone and he didn't care much whether his comments were welcome or not.

"Why of course, Spock…! Isn't it utterly obvious to anyone on this ship that Bones and I would make the perfect couple?" Jim should probably have known that his sarcasm would be lost on the Vulcan…

* * *

_Incoming Call from Starship NCC-1701, USS Enterprise, Commander Spock._

Chris raised his eyebrows. While he was still on friendly terms with his one-time-protégé, Spock usually didn't waste time on small-talk, so he rarely felt the need to contact him, unless he had something important to communicate, and for that, he usually went via Jim.

Not this time, though.

_Huh. I wonder…?_

"Admiral Pike."

"The one and only. What can I do for you, Spock?"

"Admiral, it is my duty as first officer of the _Enterprise_ to report a breach of Regulation 437, Sub-section D4."

Chris frowned at that. "In English, please?"

Spock hesitated: It was only a brief moment, but Chris didn't fail to notice it. The Vulcan seemed troubled, positively unhappy about something.

"In short, I believe that Captain Kirk is… partial to a particular crewmember."

_Well great…! Why am I not surprised?_ Chris inwardly rolled his eyes.

"So basically, you a concerned about Captain Kirk violating Starfleet's precious anti-fraternization doctrine for commanding officers of the same vessel. Pray, tell me – is it Lieutenant Uhura or one of the two youngsters, Sulu and Chekov? I know Scotty to be as straight as a candlestick, and it obviously wouldn't be you, so that would leave…"

"I am afraid, your assumptions are incorrect. I was speaking of Dr. McCoy."

Chris stared at him in open-mouthed astonishment for about a minute, all kinds of thoughts racing through his mind, but most of them centered on things like _"Okay, where's the hidden camera and how the hell did Jim get Spock to play along?"_

"Did Jim himself tell you about this?"

"No, Nurse Chapel came to me after a conversation with Dr. McCoy. "

_Christine Chapel…? Figures… yes, she'd be inconspicuous, so Spock would believe her. I wonder how persuasive Jim had to get… or would she be that mischievous herself?_

"Oh, that's a good one, Spock! She must have had a good laugh at your expense!"

"Pardon?"

"Well, it's obvious that she pulled your leg and you didn't realize it."

"Admiral, I do not think she meant it to be a joke. "

"Why, of course she did, Spock. Spock…? You don't believe… do you…? It's ridiculous!"

"I told Nurse Chapel that in my opinion, Dr. McCoy's interest in the Captain – and vice versa - is of a purely platonic and friendly nature. She did not seem convinced, though."

"Have you mentioned this conversation to Captain Kirk?" Chris asked, now positive that poor Spock had fallen prey to one of Jim's pranks.

"Yes."

"And what did he have to say on the matter?"

Spock faithfully repeated Jim's exact words, minus the sarcastic undertone in his voice.

"Huh." Spoken in that clear, emotionless voice, spoken by someone who never lied, participated in silly jokes or tricked anyone, who relied purely on observable fact and logical conclusions, Jim's statement gained a new, far more serious meaning. At least to someone, who – being deeply concerned by the matter himself – was naturally prone to jealousy.

Chris had not yet overcome his disappointment at Leonard's rebuff, and suddenly, doubt seized him like a vicious, alien monster sprung up from the shadowy places deeply hidden at the back of his mind.

It was… not entirely impossible.

Jim and Leonard had always been close, ever since that very first day on the shuttle and all the way through their Academy years. The age difference between the two of them was nearly the same as between him and Leonard, so that was not an argument fit to disprove the theory. And Chris knew enough of Jim to see that it was very easy to succumb to his many charms. His smile, for example, was devastating. Not even Spock, cold, un-emotional Spock, was immune to that smile.

Despite remembering the effects of that smile, Chris felt the sudden urge to rip off Jim's head.

"Admiral…?" Spock asked and Chris shot up to meet the Vulcan's inquiring gaze.

"Yes… sorry, Spock. I've been… thinking. I will… attend to the matter."

Spock nodded, apparently satisfied.

The miscommunication might yet have been cleared up, had Spock understood human emotional behavior better. As it was, he remained unconvinced of Christine Chapel's theory that had Admiral Pike so worried. He remembered Jim telling him and Uhura that Dr. McCoy was in fact romantically interested in the Admiral himself, and given the evidence, this theory seemed a lot more plausible to him. He refrained from mentioning it to Pike, though, because the man had made it clear that he did not appreciate Jim's meddling in his private affairs and Spock did not want to overstep any boundaries.

He therefore remained silent.

And left a fuming Admiral Christopher Pike to deal with his own hurt feelings…

* * *

_Thank you so much for the reviews, guys. I'm glad you seem to like the story and I promise to try and update more frequently._

_By the way – the term Flüsterpost is German for a common children's game also known as "Playing Telephone", "Whisper down the Lane" or "Chinese Whispers"._


	6. Jealousy

_- "Did you think the lion was sleeping because he didn't roar?" –_

_Friedrich Schiller, Fiesco_

_

* * *

_

After several days of contemplation, Leonard decided that no matter how foolish he felt about the whole thing, he just had to act _now_ and to tell Chris that _no_, he really hadn't meant it quite that way. It wasn't pride that restrained him, but rather the fact that he felt a strange, incomprehensible fear. Maybe it was fear of the unknown, of things to come; maybe it was the constant threat of saying, of admitting too much. Whatever it was, it was a very subtle feeling and Leonard barely recognized it consciously. It was there, however, poisoning his subconsciousness.

He finished his shift in sickbay and turned his few patients over to Dr. Mehpare Seker, a very recent addition to his medical staff, a competent, if rather shy young woman barely out of the Academy. She went to work after exchanging a few quiet words with her superior; and he returned to his quarters feeling somewhat exhausted and in an almost dreamy state of mind.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes from uniform to civies, he sat down at his desk to call Chris.

_Yet what am I going to tell you? That I didn't mean what I said…? And wouldn't that be a lie?_

"Leonard."

"How are you?"

_You look troubled, so don't try to tell me otherwise. I hurt you, didn't I?_

Chris hesitated. "I would say 'fine', but…"

"But…?"

"I hate to lie to you. So no, I'm not fine. I received a piece of unpleasant news about two days ago and I'm unsure of what to make of it."

"Personal or professional?" Leonard asked, noticing the minute signs of emotional upheaval in the other man's air and manner; the slightest trembling of his hands moving in elegant gestures, the waxen quality of his facial expressions, the unsteadiness of his gaze.

"Well it came to me as a professional report, but I am afraid, it also concerns me personally, even though it shouldn't. It would have been my duty to investigate immediately, but I hesitated… maybe I was afraid of what I'd find…?"

_Why are you looking at me like that? I hurt you, but I didn't betray you, did I?_

"I've never known you to be undecided or timid, Chris. If it isn't indiscreet to ask – what is it, and how does it concern you?"

"You see, Spock called me just a couple of days ago."

"Spock? I thought you said it was personal," Leonard snorted. "And why on Earth would Spock call you? Granted, you're his superior, but there's Jim and at least a couple of other people in between, unless you've managed to fire both your SIC and Commodore Roseleaf."

"Spock apparently felt that the matter was not only delicate, but also important enough to be brought to my attention immediately."

"Huh. You know, Chris, I _do_ get the feeling that you actually want to tell me something, but haven't decided yet whether to be blunt or diplomatic about it."

Chris raised his brows. "Very observant," he remarked and something about his voice sent a warning that raised all the hairs on Leonard's neck.

_He's actually ANGRY…!_

And for stoic, overly controlled Admiral Christopher Pike to get angry about anything or at anyone, something major had to have happened.

"Which would you prefer?"

"Stop playing cat and mouse with me and be blunt," Leonard replied, annoyed and troubled enough to let it show.

"Alright. Why exactly didn't you tell me about Jim Kirk?" There was something lurking in his voice, something that tasted strongly of barely controlled fury.

"Huh? What about him…?" Leonard was seriously confused now. Had he missed something important?

_Shit, Jim, what did you do now?_

"Don't play coy with me, Leonard," Chris growled.

"What the hell are you talking about? Did Jim do anything?"

Pike shot him the strangest look, then replied rather unfriendly: "Well, I wouldn't know about that, would I? You tell me. Did he do anything? I don't know. I'm not even sure whether I want to know; but I'm quite disappointed by the fact that you failed to mention this to me. I'm not asking for details, Leonard – in fact, I'm asking to be spared the details -, but I want an honest answer. Is it true?"

"Is _what _true? What the fuck did Spock tell you?"

"Spock merely acted upon his duty as first officer of this vessel. He is concerned about his captain having an intimate relationship with one of his officers. In fact, with you."

Leonard stared at him open-mouthed for a minute, trying to process this information and its implications, before rolling his eyes with an exasperate groan. "So _that's _what this is all about? Jealousy? Trust Spock to use dramatic formulations… yeah, Chris, I am in an intimate relationship with Jim. Quite intimate, actually: we're _friends_."

_I should have known that something like that would happen sooner or later. Spock has always been jealous of my friendship with Jim...! But Chris should have known better…_

"Friends as in the way you and I are friends, Leonard…?" Chris asked quietly.

Leonard hesitated. _Who do you think you're kidding, Chris? We're about as far past friends as two people can possibly get…!_

"Not quite that way, no."

"I see." Which was nothing short of a lie, because in fact, he didn't see. Jealousy led Chris to understand exactly the opposite of what Leonard had meant to say.

They were quiet for a long moment, before Chris posed his next question. Very softly, just three words, yet holding more potential for misunderstandings, hurt and despair than a two-thousand-page contract between two rival Star systems.

"Is it love?"

Leonard shuddered, not daring to look at Chris any longer.

"Leonard?"

There was so much sad tenderness in his voice, as if he managed to put everything that was gentle, generous, amiable and good about his character into that one word. Such honesty in his eyes; they were wells of trust and truthfulness and Leonard suddenly felt ashamed, as if he had betrayed him.

_I love you; love you like I've never loved a living being in this world, safe Joanna, and that's a different kind of love… I can't bear to lie to you and to myself any longer, but I don't know how to tell the truth…_

"Yes," he whispered finally, "yes, in a way it is…"

"I see," Chris repeated, and it was the last thing Leonard heard before the screen went pitch-black.

He stared at it, still unsure about what had just happened, but with the dawning conviction that he'd made a terrible mistake.

* * *

"You told him WHAT?" Jim was staring at his first officer in considerable distress. "Heavens, Spock, are you INSANE?"

The Vulcan cocked an eyebrow. "No, not that I am aware of. I can see that you are upset, Jim, but I do not quite understand why. I thought it my duty to attend to Nurse Chapel's concerns."

"Then why the hell didn't you approach me, Spock? Why did you have to tell Pike? Are you even aware of what you've done?"

"I apologize for causing you such distress, Jim. But it is Admiral Pike's right and duty to be aware of such concerns, even if they turn out to be completely unfounded."

"Duty aside, Spock – you meant well, but you've triggered an avalanche! Let me break this down for you – you wanted to inform Admiral Christopher Pike of something concerning one of the ships in his command. But what you also did was to inform the man Chris Pike – who, no matter how great and heroic he may be, still remains a human being with human weaknesses and flaws – of the fact that the man he loves to distraction is suspected by his crewmates of having an intimate relationship with someone else. Do you even get what that means to a human? We are very particular about the people we love, and there's this nasty little thing called jealousy – a fiercely illogical and utterly savage feeling almost impossible to control."

"I am very well aware of the definition of jealousy and its possible implications, Jim. But surely you don't suggest that Admiral Pike would be jealous of you...?"

"Oh, absolutely! He's probably plotting my assassination right now. Don't expect any of this to make sense, Spock, that's the nature of jealousy. It's a chaotic feeling and none of us is immune to it. Well, safe you, maybe, but I'm not even sure about that. Anyway, you basically told Pike that I'm getting cozy with his soulmate, and if I know anything about him, he'll be hurt, jealous and angry enough to do something foolish and thoroughly unprofessional."

"I believe that to be highly unlikely. Admiral Pike is a very controlled and reliable person."

"Which is a very nice way of saying that he's a pretty cold fish and an obsessive workaholic, but that's not the point. Spock, no matter how stoic the man may be, he's got his soft spots, too. And you just stabbed one of them with a rigged blade. Believe me, right now, there's one very, very unhappy Admiral out there, and Pike gets nasty when angry. It takes a lot to provoke him, but if you manage to do so, you had better duck and cover. He's a force of nature."


	7. Incommunicado

_- "And suddenly I had an inkling of what it must feel like to be mad." –_

_Aldous Huxley_

_

* * *

_

Jim swore as he got Starfleet's equivalent of voice-mail for the umpteenth time. For two days he had tried in vain to reach Admiral Pike, both at the office and at home, but the man was as elusive as the fabled unicorn.

Unnerved, Jim turned to his last resort and decided that this warranted the use of emergency procedures.

"Uhura, top priority message to Admiral Pike's office, I need someone to take my call RIGHT NOW, no matter what they're doing, because this is intolerable."

His communications officer raised her slender eyebrows. "That seems a little out of proportion."

"I am sick and tired of Pike avoiding me. He can't have me formally reprimanded for violating standard regulation and at the same time refuse to allow me to defend myself. If I can't get through to him directly, I'll go via Liu or Roseleaf, or any other member of his staff, but I'm not doing _incommunicado _any longer."

Uhura shrugged, and turned to deliver the message.

Less than ten minutes later, Jim was looking at a blond woman's somewhat anxious face. Commodore Rebecca Roseleaf was a very attractive woman, who looked at least ten years younger than her true age, but at the moment, she appeared to be genuinely distressed.

"Captain Kirk."

"Commodore Roseleaf. What kept you so long? You do realize that if this were a real emergency, the _Enterprise_ could have been pulverized and we could all be dead and gone by now, don't you?" It sounded ironic enough to be a joke, but Jim was by now actually annoyed enough to be uncivil.

"Stop lecturing me on my duties, Kirk," Roseleaf snapped, far from her usual calm and self-assured self. "I've got enough on my mind already without your silly pranks, so this had better be important."

"What happened?" Jim asked, noticing the strain in the Commodore's voice and the bustling of people somewhere in the background. "Did an earthquake hit San Francisco and collapse half of your office? Cause it certainly sounds like it."

Roseleaf sighed, brushing strands of blond hair that had escaped her tight bun from her face. "It's worse than that, actually."

"Care to put a name to that earthquake for me?"

"Pike." She frowned. "Pike's what happened."

"Ah," Jim muttered, "figures. What'd he do?"

Roseleaf grimaced, opened her mouth as if to say something, then shook her head. "I'm not going to say that. Not while we're both on duty. Because, you know, I do value my career and I'd like it to continue running as smoothly as it has so far. But the gist of it is that Pike's taken his hat and left us all and the office in a considerable state of distress and disorder. It's as if someone had pulled a plug, and now everything is disintegrating slowly but steadily. I never realized how much everyone depended on Pike to run things and make sure not to overlook the details, and now we're faced with a real mess. Things just don't _work_ without him. And frankly, Liu isn't a big help right now, because his wife is pregnant and they're expecting the baby any day now."

"Wait a minute – Pike _left_? As in _left Starfleet?_"

"Well, not exactly, but he might as well have. He retains his rank as Admiral, but he's not working for Starfleet anymore. It's complicated, really. I'm not sure if you've heard, but the Foreign Office has had considerable trouble with its envoys to Romulus for quite some time now. It appears that the Romulans don't respect civilian diplomats, because the concept of a divide between diplomacy and military is completely alien to them. Some adventurous FO official therefore came up with the ingenious idea of a military diplomacy program specifically designed to meet the Romulans halfway. However, there has been a significant lack of volunteers for those positions so far – very few Starfleet officers would be content to leave their assignments to go to Romulus and argue about trade-agreements. The FO has been on Pike's heels for about a year now, ever since he recovered enough to walk on his own again, but he wasn't too excited about being a diplomat, either. Then suddenly a few days ago, he walks into my office and tells me _'Commodore, please inform the staff of a change in superiors. Starting today, they'll report to Liu instead of me.'_ That was all – there was no explanation, no '_it was a pleasure to work with you'_, no '_good luck and I'll miss our chats, Becky'_."

Roseleaf looked truly shaken now, as if she still couldn't believe that Pike had left her like that, and Jim understood her anger and frustration. She'd been working with Pike for several years and as far as he knew, she had considered him a close personal friend.

"You know that sort of explains why I couldn't reach him. Has he already left for Romulus?"

Roseleaf shrugged. "Probably. But it doesn't matter, because he wouldn't take your call anyways. He hasn't taken any of mine, either. Whatever caused him to accept the position of ambassador to Romulus, it must have had something to do with the sudden and sincere wish to leave Earth, Starfleet and his former co-workers and friends behind. He didn't even come to say good-bye. I've known him for twenty years, Jim, but now it's like I don't know him at all." She sighed. "Well, maybe you'll be able to get through to him, he always did like you. I'll tell Mayhew to try and patch you through to his new personal assistant; she appears to be a sensible woman. More sensible than her superior, at any rate."

"Thanks, Commodore."

"You're welcome, Captain. Try to keep out of trouble for now, because I've got enough on my plate already, without you pulling off one of your stunts," Roseleaf replied sternly, before shouting something at one of her inferiors.

"I can see that you're busy," Jim said, "so I won't keep you any longer. I promise to try and set Pike's head straight, alright?"

"Good luck with that," Roseleaf replied sarcastically.

* * *

"Lieutenant Mayhew has opened that channel to Admiral Pike's personal assistant for you," Uhura reported about two hours later and Jim sat up straight in his chair, where he had been brooding over Pike's sudden decision to leave Starfleet.

"Very well and thank you, Uhura. I'll make the call from my quarters."

She nodded and he got up and left the bridge to Spock. He was not looking forward to that particular conversation, especially because he'd have to explain to Pike's assistant why he was so insistent about having to speak with him.

* * *

On the way to his quarters, he ran into a very anxious looking Christine Chapel, who let out a sigh of relief, when she saw him. "Captain Kirk, I'm glad to see you."

Kirk frowned at her. "And what did I do to deserve that, Christine?"

"It's about Dr. McCoy," she said, ignoring his teasing.

_Damn! I completely forgot about Bones… if Pike isn't talking to me or Roseleaf, he probably isn't talking to Bones either, and knowing Bones, he'll be worried sick by now…_

"What about him?"

"I am concerned. He hasn't turned up for his shift, and you know that he's _never_ late for work, Captain."

"That's true." Jim's frown deepened. "Usually, I have to force him off-duty even when he's too sick to work."

"Well, that's what makes me think that something's wrong with him. And he won't open his door."

"He might be asleep," Jim said.

Christine shook her head. "We both know that that's highly unlikely, Captain. Maybe he really is sick, but I'm guessing it's something personal. Maybe something has happened to Joana…"

"I hope not!"

"So do I, but I would feel better if you talked to him."

"I'll try, Christine, but if he won't let me in, I can hardly kick in the door, can I?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "_You_ probably could. Besides, you have the Captain's override codes and even if they don't work – I've heard stories about you hacking your way into Commander Spock's Kobayashi Maru scenario."

"Yeah, but I'm captain of a starship now. The Captain shouldn't hack his own security system, should he? But I'll talk to Bones, alright? Now stop worrying and eat some lunch, Christine."

"As if!" She snorted, but she turned around and walked down the hall.

* * *

"Bones, this is Jim. Open the door."

No answer.

"Bones, I know you're in there."

Silence.

"Bones, I could be dying out here, because you haven't turned up for your shift, has that thought ever occurred to you? Where's your sense of duty?"

Nothing.

"Bones, open the goddamn door, and that's an order!"

The door slid open, but the doctor was nowhere in sight.

_Remote access, huh?_

Jim stepped into the room and made sure to close the door behind him before searching for his friend.

"You know, Bones, you and Chris really make the perfect couple. You're one as headstrong and foolish as the other," he said conversationally, before stepping from the living area into the bedroom.

He found Bones curled up in an armchair with his face to the wall.

Jim frowned. "Okay, please explain to me what happened, Bones…? I've got an inkling that this is about Chris, especially since I just had a chat with his former second, who's mad at him for leaving her and his office and refusing to take any calls, but I'd really appreciate some clarification here."

"Go away, Jim."

"You wish." Jim stepped closer. "Friendship aside, Bones, I'm still captain of this ship and I'd like to know why my CMO isn't fit for duty. Bones…? Hey Bones, you haven't been _crying_, have you?"


	8. Peace

_- "The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well; but civil count, civil as an orange,  
and something of that jealous complexion." –_

_William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing, (Beatrice)_

_

* * *

_

It wasn't even Starfleet's familiar logo anymore that appeared on the view screen when Jim tried to call Pike – or rather his assistant -; it was the FO's olive branch and globe against a navy blue background. Then the emblem was swept aside to make room for the image of a young woman, wearing a black uniform. Her face was an exquisite mixture of Asian and European features, her eyes a dark shade of brown and her dark haired cropped short in a very business-like manner.

"This is Admiral Pike's office, how may I help you?"

"By telling me your name?" Jim suggested. "I already know that you're working for Pike, because I happen to know that he's not the kind of man who'd let his girlfriend take his calls."

To his surprise, she laughed at that. "And what makes you say that?" She asked, her eyes twinkling playfully.

"The fact that he isn't really into women, for one thing. And certainly not into women who are young enough to be his daughter, Ms…?"

"Peace Lafayette. And you might be…?"

"Captain Jim Kirk, USS Enterprise. _Peace_, huh? Well, if that isn't the perfect name for a diplomat…"

She grinned. "Apparently my parents thought so, too."

"Well, they must be proud of you now. But you haven't always been a diplomat, have you? Care to tell me the ship you served on before selling your soul to the devil – um, the Foreign Office, I meant to say…?"

Her grin broadened. "It's _Lieutenant_ Peace Lafayette, actually," she admitted, "and I served on the _Manderley_. So, how'd you guess that?"

"Easy enough. You called him _Admiral _rather than _Ambassador_. An FO gal wouldn't do that. They're very particular about protocol."

"Alright, you win. So what do I owe this unexpected pleasure to, Captain Kirk…?"

"Your boss isn't taking my calls, but I'm sure you know that already. In fact, it appears that he isn't taking _any_ calls at the moment."

"He had a conversation with the Foreign Secretary just a few hours ago," she corrected him gently.

"Okay, so he isn't taking any calls that aren't strictly business."

"He is preparing for the new and difficult task that lies ahead," she declared solemnly.

"How long did you practice in order to be able to say that with a straight face? Look, I know that you've probably got your orders from Pike, but this is really, really important. His personal happiness depends upon it."

She raised her elegantly curved eyebrows. "He didn't look particularly happy when I last spoke to him."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"He told me to ignore all calls and callers and specifically, you."

"Great," Jim groaned, "trust Chris to behave like a spoilt child! It's not like I kicked his favorite puppy or anything…! Look, Lieutenant, I'm going to break this down for you, even though it's essentially a private matter between him, me and a couple of other people… due to a misunderstanding created by a few misinformed, well-meaning co-workers, Admiral Pike is quite convinced of the fact that I'm trying to steal his lover. Which is pretty ridiculous, since said lover just happens to be my best friend, and Chris knows that. What it all comes down to is that Admiral Pike, being only human, currently is insanely jealous of me. And he's giving us all the silent treatment, thereby worrying people to death. Now would you please try to get him so that I can clear up this mess…?"

Lieutenant Lafayette eyed him curiously, as if trying to determine what to make of this statement.

"I don't think anything I could say would persuade him to talk to you right now," she replied doubtfully, "to tell you the truth, he seemed very agitated ever since we started our voyage to Romulus, and even though he has been very polite towards me, I did get the impression that he's feeling quite bitter and misanthropic right now."

"That doesn't surprise me, if he really believes that people are cheating on him. He doesn't have many soft spots, but this particular piece of wrong news must have felt like a punch in the stomach. I do feel sorry for him, even though this whole mix-up is completely ridiculous. He's a very good friend, and he's mentored me through the Academy. I… owe him a huge debt."

"He was captain of the _Enterprise_ before you, wasn't he?" She asked.

"Not for very long, but yes, he was. Anyway, I need to set a few things straight here, Lieutenant, and I'm afraid I'm going to need your help."

"As I said… I don't believe he'd take the call…"

"Well in that case, we'll have to trick him."

She frowned. "What do you have in mind?"

An evil grin crept onto Jim's face. "Lieutenant, are you familiar with Shakespeare?"

"As in _William Shakespeare_, the playwright?"

"Exactly."

"I've read most of the comedies and a few of the tragedies. Never liked the sonnets much, though."

"Well, if you know the comedies, you'll understand my plan. Do you remember _Much Ado about Nothing_?"

She smiled. "Vividly. My sister was Beatrice in a school play and I used to practice with her."

"Then you'll remember the ingenious plan the monk, Benedict and Beatrice come up with in order to make Claudio regret his rejection of Hero…"

"They cause him to believe that she's died…"

"Precisely. And poor Claudio is so shaken by this revelation that he instantly feels guilty and tries to make amends. In the end, everything turns out well – it's a comedy, after all – Hero reappears and everybody's happy."

"How does that relate to Admiral Pike?"

"Well, Lieutenant, we're going to use the same tactic. We are – or rather I am – going to lie to him. I'll give you a message for him, that'll essentially be one big, fat lie, and all you'll do is deliver it to him. That way, he can hardly blame you for anything."

"Which message would that be?"

"Tell him that Jim Kirk called in order to inform him of the fact that there has been a severe accident on an away mission. We received a distress call from a freighter and proceeded to evacuate the crew. During the evacuation, an explosion killed several people and hurt many more. Several members of our medical staff sustained critical injuries, among them our CMO, Dr. McCoy, who's so severely injured that we're not sure whether he's going to make it. We're on our way back home for repairs and shore-leave, anyway, but now we hope that we'll make it in time for the surgeons there to be able to save him. Tell him that before falling into a coma, Dr. McCoy asked for him. It's a little melodramatic, I know, but I think it'll do."

"Why, you're devious, Captain Kirk," Lieutenant Lafayette replied grinning. "I take it that Admiral Pike would be concerned about the wellbeing of your Dr. McCoy…?"

"I sure hope so. There's one more thing – I'm going to send you a video file, and I want you to give it to Admiral Pike _before_ you deliver the message. Will you do that for me?"

"Will it help to make him feel better?"

"Not at first, but in time it will."

"Alright, Captain Kirk, but I'd say you owe me." She smiled.

"Well… knowing Chris, he'll rush to rendezvous with us, once he's received that message, and he's probably going to take you with him. So I promise you dinner once this mess is cleared up. Would that be acceptable?"

"Very much so, Captain."

"Then I'm looking forward to meeting you in person, Lieutenant."

* * *

Jim looked at Spock and Christine Chapel, who were sitting across from him. "Esign Perez, I want you to tape this conversation," he said to the young man who was hovering in the background, trying to be unobtrusive.

His Vulcan SIC raised an eyebrow. "What purpose would that serve, Captain?"

"I'm going to send the file to Pike, in order to clear up this entire misunderstanding and make him see reason. Now Christine, I want you to tell me exactly what happened. Where and when did you get the ridiculous notion that Dr. McCoy's in love with me? I'm not mad at your or anything, Christine, but I need to know what made you think so."

The nurse shifted in her chair uncomfortably. Obviously, she felt bad about having caused such distress by simply assuming a little too much.

"Well, Dr. McCoy returned to sickbay after lunch one day and complained about having made a huge mistake in turning someone down. He wouldn't tell me just who the person was, so I tried to help him sort it out by asking specifics. He then told me – I quote – that_ 'he is a Starfleet hero ranking several echelons above me, that our commitments don't allow us to be together, that neither of us has ever been with a man before; and the age difference of about fifteen years doesn't make things any easier.'_"

Jim groaned in exasperation, as the miscommunication became clear to him. "Heavens, Christine, and you jumped to the conclusion that he was talking about _me_? Actually, the age difference between Bones and me is no more than nine years, I don't rank that high above him, at least not high enough to make this awkward, and apart from being Captain, I never made a commitment that would impede me from having a relationship with anyone. Besides, he'd be distinctly wrong about me never having been with a man before – the fact that I generally prefer female companionship doesn't mean that I haven't at least tried… um… that was too much information, right?"

He grinned at her shocked expression and Spock's odd look.

"Anyway, let's get this straightened out – as Starfleet heroes go, Pike's at least as famous as I am, he's an Admiral, he is, in fact, fifteen years older than Bones, and his earthbound position combined with Bones' duty on this ship would indeed make it difficult for them to have any kind of close relationship. I'm not so sure about the last part, but I doubt that they have ever talked about that, because Pike wouldn't offer such information if he was threatened at knife-point, so that little mistake can be overlooked."

"So… Dr. McCoy was talking about _Admiral Pike_?"

"Absolutely," Jim agreed cheerfully. "Oh, come on, Christine, don't tell me you didn't notice that they got pretty close during all that time Pike spent in sick-bay and later at Starfleet Medical?"

"Well… now that you mention it…"

"So," Jim said with a self-satisfied look in general direction of the camera, "now that this is cleared up, _you_ tell me, why my usually brilliant first-officer, who can do mind-boggling math faster than this ship's computer, doesn't understand something as simple as plain human sarcasm, Spock."

The Vulcan actually winced slightly at that. "I apologize, Captain, but…"

"… the complexity of human pranks escaped you once again. I know that, Spock. Actually, I think it's hilarious. You really believed that there was a chance for me and Bones having a romantic relationship without you or anyone else noticing?"

"Well… it was a possibility, Captain…"

"Uh-huh. Next time you see one of those weird possibilities, please make sure to tell _me_ about it first, before informing my superiors. You made poor Admiral Pike go absolutely crazy with jealousy. To think that he was upset enough to actually go to Romulus!" Jim shuddered.

"Once again, I apologize, Captain."

"Yeah, well, you had better apologize to Bones instead of me, Spock. Once he's fit to talk again that is."

Spock frowned at those words, but replied: "I'll do that, Captain."

"Good. Ensign, please have the video file sent to Lieutenant Peace Lafayette of _Ambassador_ Pike's staff."

* * *

_Hi everyone! Just a quick - and probably overdue - note on the FO and Pike becoming an ambassador: Actually, I've no clue what government structure would look like in the 23rd century. But since there are some basics - some form of parliament, ministries of defense, foreign and domestic affairs and finance, etc. - that have been around for centuries, I just guessed that they might still be there in the far future. Since Starfleet can't do everything by itself, it'd probably be neat to have some form of diplomatic service... and there you go. I chose the term "Foreign Office", since it is somewhat self-explicatory, as opposed to "State Department", which might not be understood by everyone._


	9. Pretense

_- "Until the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, Wait and hope." –_

_Alexandre Dumas, "The Count of Monte Christo"_

_

* * *

_

"Ambassador?" Lieutenant Peace Lafayette asked hesitantly.

He sat at his desk, his back towards her, staring blankly at the screen in front of him.

He sat very still, as if whatever he had just seen there had frozen him to solid stone, and Peace idly wondered what kind of Medusa's head Captain Kirk had used against him.

He sat, motionless and statuesque, and made no move to acknowledge her presence, but she saw his shoulders tremble slightly.

"Sir?" Peace felt uncomfortable, she did not wish to intrude upon his privacy.

"What is it?" His voice sounded hoarse, so very unlike the usual forcibly calm and self-assured tones she had come to associate with him.

"Consul Ducas wishes to know when to expect our arrival and is asking to speak with you."

"He'll have to wait. We won't be going to Romulus just now."

Kirk had more or less predicted this decision, Peace was therefore prepared for it, but she put on a good show of surprise. "Why the delay?" She asked with wide-eyed innocence. "Has anything happened?"

He hesitated, as if unsure what to tell her, then shook his head. "Tell the Consul not to expect our arrival until further notice. Something major has happened and caused the need to turn back. Most likely he'll be furious, but you may safely tell him that I gave you no explanation for the change of plans."

Peace nodded, before daring to ask: "_Will_ you give me an explanation, Sir?"

Pike looked up for the first time, and his facial expression made her shudder… it was nothing short of gruesome. Pained. Sorrowful. _Tortured. _His eyes seemed to look through her rather than at her.

He sighed heavily. "Yes," he replied softly, "yes, I will. I need someone to talk to… but first inform the Consul of the delay."

"Sir, with all due respect, but I don't think that this will go down well with your superiors or the Foreign Secretary…"

Pike shrugged; apparently the imminent wrath of his superiors was the last thing on his mind right now. "Diplomats are supposed to be patient. They have been searching for a competent ambassador to Romulus for years; they'll probably survive without him a little longer."

"I do admire your sangfroid, Sir," Peace murmured, but he ignored the comment, or maybe he wasn't listening anymore.

* * *

"Jim Kirk, what did you do NOW?" Nyota Uhura sighed in exasperation.

"Who, me?" Jim winked at her.

"Pike is going to have your head," she predicted. "Really, causing him to believe that Leonard is dying…! What sort of plan is that…?"

"An ingenious plan," Jim assured her, "it'll work, Nyota. Believe me, it'll work."

"Much as I admire Shakespeare, his plays are certainly not meant to be a guide for real-life!"

"This isn't real-life. This is Chris and Bones behaving like idiots. I'm just trying to make it _real._"

"Huh. You haven't told Leonard yet, have you?"

"Of course not! Why would I?"

"Well, maybe he ought to know that he's supposed to be terminally ill right now," she replied, sarcasm clearly audible in her voice.

"No need to worry him with that. He's pretty downcast already, I'm sure it would only upset him further… you know, hearing that he's gravely ill and all that," Jim said, grinning. "Anyway, he'd probably ruin everything, and I can't allow that. Not after I've put so much effort into this whole thing. He'll be satisfied with the results, believe me."

"Questionable."

"Excuse me? Hey, a little trust in my abilities would be much appreciated!"

Uhura snorted in a very un-ladylike manner. "Yeah, right. Your aims may be noble, but I don't believe in your methods, _Captain_."

"Aw, you wound me, Nyota…"

"Well good, because you deserve it. That entire misunderstanding was mostly your fault."

"I wasn't the one who jumped to conclusions, was I?"

"No, but you ought to have known that Spock wouldn't understand your particular brand of humor. He doesn't do humor well, you know."

"That's a very diplomatic way of saying that he has no sense of humor whatsoever. No wonder he and Chris Pike got along so well during his Academy days."

"That's unfair, Jim. The mere fact that Admiral Pike doesn't appreciate your silly pranks doesn't mean that he hasn't got a sense of humor."

"He's not a particularly jovial person; you'll have to admit that. But I'm not criticizing, he's got other qualities to make up for that. I really do like him, Nyota, which is precisely why I want him to be happy. Preferably with Bones, because that'd make them _both_ happy."

* * *

"I informed Consul Ducas of the expected delay, Sir," Lieutenant Peace Lafayette reported upon re-entering the room.

Pike raised his head to look at her. "How did he react?"

"Just like you predicted. He was furious. I've never seen a man's face turn read that fast."

"Yes, well, he _is_ a little choleric…"

"A little? To me it looked as if he was in imminent danger of suffering a heart attack."

"I'm sure he'll survive." It sounded more like _hell, I don't care whether he survives or not._

"Sir… whatever brought this on, you should be aware of the potential impact on your future career…"

"Lieutenant," Pike slowly shook his head, "you'll probably have a hard time believing this, but _I don't care _about my career. Not now. Right now, there's only one thing I care about – whether or not we make it to Earth in time for me to correct a very stupid mistake."

Peace eyed him curiously, before replying: "You don't make any mistakes, Sir. Not your style."

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence." Pike actually smiled, but it was a tired smile, and it didn't look happy at all. "Maybe not professionally, Lieutenant, but even I have a private life, and I managed to screw that up quite thoroughly."

"What happened, Sir?" Peace asked quietly. She truly felt sorry for him. Jim Kirk's plan was apparently working out just fine, but she began to doubt whether the ends really justified the means.

Pike sighed. "Have you ever been in love, Lieutenant?"

"I guess high school crushes don't count, Sir? In that case, the answer is no." She eyed him curiously. "Are you?"

"It's not that simple."

"The message Captain Kirk asked me to pass on…"

"Let's just say, I care enough about Dr. Leonard McCoy to counteract the orders of both the FO and Starfleet Command and to order Captain Delaney back to Earth when we're already halfway to Romulus. And I'm praying that we'll make it there in time."

"Did you call Captain Kirk back?"

"Yes, but he's not responding. Either, he's being vindictive and giving me a dose of my own medicine or he's too busy watching over Leonard to take the call. I'm guessing the latter. They are very close friends." A shadow crossed his face. "Close enough for me to be foolish and get jealous of Jim…"

"If Captain Kirk isn't responding to your call, why don't you try his first officer? I am told that Commander Spock is a very thorough and reliable man. I am sure he could give you accurate information on Dr. McCoy's condition," Peace suggested. She knew that she was undermining Captain Kirk's ingenious plan, but her conscience and her loyalty towards Pike told her that it wasn't fair to let the poor man suffer any longer.

Pike looked up at her approvingly. "Good thinking, Lieutenant. Call _Enterprise_ for me."

* * *

"Commander, I've got Admiral Pike on line for you," Uhura informed Spock.

"Don't take it, Spock," Jim said from his seat.

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. "Is that an order, Captain?"

"I could make it an order."

"Which wouldn't be valid, and you know that," Uhura cut in, "he outranks you."

"That's why I'm not making it an order, Spock. It's a request."

"Why would you not want me to talk to Admiral Pike?" Spock asked, looking faintly confused.

"Because he's re-enacting Shakespeare with Pike as the unsuspecting victim."

"Shakespeare?" Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. _Much Ado about Nothing._ Pike's Claudio, he just doesn't know about it."

"Then I'm guessing that Dr. McCoy gets to play Hero?" Spock asked.

"Correct, Spock. You wanna be Benedict?"

"Does he get to marry you in the end?" Uhura asked slyly.

"I think I pass, Captain," Spock replied with great dignity, looking away.

"Shame," Jim replied grinning.

"I think it's unfair to torture poor Admiral Pike like that. At least let Spock tell him that Leonard isn't dying."

"There's a problem with that, Nyota – Spock can't lie. If Pike were to ask him a direct question, he'd give an honest answer and that'd spoil everything."

She rolled her eyes. "Really, I don't think this is funny. But if you insist… let me take the call. I'm not going to lie to Pike, but I think I'm capable of omitting a few things without sending him right up the wall."

* * *

"Admiral Pike, this is Lieutenant Uhura. Commander Spock is currently unavailable. Can I help you with anything?"

_Good God, I've never seen Pike look so miserable…! Jim, you're perfectly evil!_

"Lieutenant Uhura. This is essentially a private call. I am calling to ask about Dr. McCoy's condition. Is he…?"

"I'm afraid you can't talk to him, sir, not yet in any case, but he's going to make it." It was hard to maintain a straight face, because right now, Uhura wanted to reach out to her former instructor, hug him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. It wasn't necessary, though. Pike's face lit up like a lantern at her last words.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." His voice was thick with emotion.

"You're welcome, Sir. Do you want me to pass a message to Dr. McCoy?"

"No… I'll tell him in person."


	10. Melodramatics

_- "Surprizes are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable." –_

_Jane Austen, "Emma"_

_

* * *

_

"Hey, Bones. How's it going?" Jim strolled into sickbay, his stride forcefully confident and a cheerful smile glued to his face.

"Badly. Now get out." His friend did not even turn to look at him.

Jim shook his head stubbornly. "Not gonna happen. You know, actually talking about it might help you, Bones. That's what friends are for."

"I don't want to talk, Jim."

"Fine. Then I'll do the talking and you'll listen, how's that?"

"Don't you have a ship to command or something?"

"Spock's doing just fine on his own, but I appreciate the concern. Anyway, Bones… uh, you know, I'm probably going to suspend you again."

Finally, the doctor turned around, flashing Jim an angry look. "And why's that?"

"There," Jim pointed at him, "your hands are shaking. And personally, I wouldn't want that in a doctor who might mess with my inner organs. I'm quite fond of my heart… liver… kidney, hell, whatever body parts one needs to function properly."

Bones looked down at his hands almost accusatory, but there was no point denying it – they were trembling ever so slightly, and Jim, of course, had instantly picked up on it.

"Fine." The doctor growled.

"No, it's not fine, Bones. I need you to be fit for duty. What I don't need is for you to suffer from a broken heart, because Pike's a pigheaded fool, who declares the Second Cold War over a silly misunderstanding. Which, by the way, has been cleared up."

"I'm not…"

"Yeah, you are. Would the two of you PLEASE stop lying to me and everyone else? You love each other, and everybody thinks that's cool, so why on Earth – or off it – are you raising such a fuss? Just _relax_. Breathe. I'm going to tell Chris the very same thing, next time we meet – which will be in about 72 hours -, but for now, I just want you to know that _everything's going to be alright, Bones_. Look, I'm going to fix this."

His friend shot him an incredulous look. "Since when can you do magic, Jim?"

"I'm Merlin, didn't you know that? Now, seriously, Bones – finish whatever it is you're doing here, then go back to your quarters and catch some sleep. Let me take care of everything else. I'll make it an order, if that's what it takes."

"You can hardly order me to sleep."

"No, but I can threaten to sit by your bedside and sing until you do. And you know from past experience that for all my considerable talents, I'm definitely _not_ musical."

Bones shuddered at the recollection.

"See? You do remember. Therefore, if you don't want to face torture, you had better get a mild sedative from your stores and a good night's sleep."

"Huh."

* * *

"Transport Shuttle _711-3-DELTA Carmen_ is ready for departure."

"Roger, _Carmen_, please proceed."

"That's nice; they're naming their shuttles for girls. And it's Spanish, nonetheless," Jim remarked cheerfully.

"It means _'song'_," his communications officer dutifully explained. Uhura sat between Spock and Sulu at Jim's right side, to the left were Bones and Chekov. Christine Chapel, Mehpare Seker, Scotty and three other members of the engineering staff sat facing them.

"I am so looking forward to my sister's cooking," Christine remarked.

Jim raised his brows. "How come?"

"Her sister is Eleanor Chapel, quite possibly one of the best chefs in this quadrant of the universe" Uhura informed him, rolling her eyes. "Really, you've got no taste in foods, Jim."

"Since when are you calling him Jim?" Leonard cut in. He had been staring out of the window the entire time.

Uhura shrugged. "We're on shoreleave."

"Not yet."

"Close enough. By the way, Jim – Pike is likely to have half the medical personnel stationed in San Francisco standing by. Maybe you had better inform him now that their services won't be required."

"No way, I'm not going to spoil the surprise."

Leonard frowned at the two of them. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Jim said quickly.

Uhura rolled his eyes once again. "You're such a child."

"Hey – I'm still the Captain, you don't get to insult me, even if we're on shoreleave!" Jim grinned at her.

"Jim," Leonard asked pleasantly, the hint of a growl behind his words, "do you by any chance want to tell me something?"

"Um… no…?"

"Spock , you're the regulations guy – can I smack him for being an obnoxious idiot while we're on shoreleave?"

"I do not think that would be wise, Doctor."

"I didn't ask you whether or not it was wise, I just wanted to know if I'm allowed to do it."

"I would advise against it."

"Shame. I'll do it anyway."

"Ouch!" Jim protested. "Now, that was uncalled for!"

"You totally deserved it," Uhura said smugly, "and wait till Admiral Pike gets his hands on you."

"I think he'll be too preoccupied to even notice me, Nyota."

"Change of topic, please," Leonard said, staring pointedly out of the window.

Jim leant over and patted his shoulder. "You'll be fine," he assured his friend.

"I highly doubt that."

* * *

There was a small crowd of people gathered to receive them when their shuttle arrived. Among them, Leonard easily recognized Pavel Chekov's numerous, loud and obviously happy family; there were at least three siblings as well as his parents and an aunt or two. There were also several friends and the mother of Christine Chapel, and a number of other family members of various crewmembers that he recognized.

A little apart from them stood Admiral Christopher Pike in the company of several apparently rather annoyed FO officials who stood out in their formal white uniforms, as well as Commodore Rebekka Roseleaf, who was arguing with them, another man in a black Starfleet command uniform and two civilians who seemed a little out of place. Pike, too, was dressed in civies, though his dark grey pants and black sweater weren't that easy to discern from his usual dark uniform.

"There's your welcoming committee," Jim joked, nudging him onward.

"I doubt that they're here for me, Jim."

"They probably aren't," Jim agreed, "I'm guessing that Chris is actually the only one who came for you and that everyone else came for _him_."

"Who the hell are these people?"

"The FO guys are Ambassador Luster and what seems to be his entourage, and they are probably quite put out with Chris for returning to Earth instead of going to Romulus. The woman arguing with them is Commodore Roseleaf, who formerly worked with him. They are close friends, so she's probably trying to defend him. The silver-haired guy on the right, who's quietly laughing his ass off, is Admiral Malcolm Reed of Starfleet Command. I guess they called him in to give Chris a dressing down, but it seems that he's just here to watch the fun. The pretty girl next to Chris is his personal assistant, Lieutenant Lafayette. I have no clue who the other two are."

Leonard looked at the commotion in front of him, shaking his head in disbelief. Trust Chris to be melodramatic…

"You have any idea why he came?" He asked Jim.

"May I hit you for deliberately being stupid? He came for you, obviously."

Trying to ignore the warmth that spread in his chest at these last few words, Leonard frowned. "What did you tell him, Jim?"

"Me?"

"You heard me. Chris and I argued. What on Earth did you tell him in order to bring him back?"

"He told me that you were dying," an all-too familiar voice replied quietly behind him.

Leonard spun around, only to face Chris, who had somehow managed to sneak up on him on cat's paws. His eyes, stormy grey and softened with sorrow and relief into an expression of exhaustion mixed with pure joy, were locked on Leonard's face.

Leonard swallowed hard. "Well, I'm not."

"I know."

It was hard to tell who made the first move, but a moment later they were locked into a firm embrace, with Leonard's face buried at Chris' shoulder as he held on tight. No words were spoken, but they weren't necessary, either.

Surely, everyone around them noticed that their embrace was just a tad too intimate and lasted a little too long to be based merely on friendly feelings, but they all politely referred from drawing attention to the fact. When Chris finally let go of Leonard, he turned to Jim, his grey eyes narrowing.

"Jim Kirk, I am going to kill you for this! Whatever were you thinking, scaring me to death?"

"I had only your best interests at heart," Jim replied innocently.

"I bet," Chris growled.

Malcolm Reed chuckled quietly.

"Excuse me, Sir, but maybe you could put off killing him a day or two? He promised me dinner, you know," Peace Lafayette cut in, smiling.

"Did he now?" Chris said, eyeing both her and Jim warily. "So you've corrupted my assistant, too, Jim? For that, I'll make it slow and painful!"

"I'd start running now, if I were you, Captain Kirk," Admiral Reed commented, "take the lovely lady with you and get the hell away. He usually keeps his promises."

"Good point. Bones – I guess you won't need my help anymore. So… have fun. Be happy. And try to persuade him to spare my life." He winked at his friend, before offering his arm to Peace Lafayette, who took it, smiling up at him.

"Let's run."

"You know, it's probably a good thing that you left him in Spock's care," Malcolm Reed told Chris conversationally. "That boy definitely needs some form of supervision."

"We're trying to raise him to be a responsible adult, Sir, but it's a hard piece of work," Uhura remarked.

Reed chuckled again. "Lieutenant Uhura, I presume?"

She nodded, apparently pleased.

"Would you care to join us for dinner, Lieutenant? I already asked Christopher and Rebekka to join me, and obviously, the invitation extends to Dr. McCoy and any member of the _Enterprise's_ command crew who wants to come along."

One of the FO officials, presumably the Ambassador himself, cleared his throat. "There is still that matter of _Ambassador _Pike being sorely missed on Romulus," he remarked dryly.

"Oh, come on, Frank, give the man a break," Commodore Roseleaf protested, "It's not as if relations with Romulus were good enough to be worth this kind of trouble. They've waited years for a capable ambassador; I'm sure they'll be able to wait a little longer…"

"Becky, you know perfectly well that…"

"Don't call me Becky when I'm arguing with you!"

"He's her husband of fourteen years," Chris quietly told Leonard, Reed and Uhura, who were looking at the couple with varying degrees of puzzlement, "And as far as I can tell, they're always like that."

"Well, seeing that Dr. McCoy appears to be in perfect good health, you probably won't need me or David here any longer," one of the civilians said to Chris.

"No, but thank you for coming, Leyla. I do appreciate it."

The woman smiled and nodded. "Good luck to you, Christopher."

Then she and he companion turned to leave.

Leonard looked at Chris questioningly. "Who…?"

"Dr. Leyla Maliki, San Francisco's lead expert in space related medicine, and her colleague Prof. Dr. David Goldmann of Berlin's Charité Hospital, he specializes in the same field."

Leonard looked at him incredulous. "You called in a physician from _Berlin_?"

Chris shrugged. "Just calling in favors. His daughter is in Starfleet, she was on one of my crews and I saved her life after an away mission went wrong… Leyla treated me for the after-effects of Nero's infernal bug, as you might remember. I trust her expertise…"

"You should, she's a virtual legend," Leonard huffed. "Heavens, Chris…"

"Don't say it. I realize that it seems a little excessive in hindsight, but I had no way of knowing that Jim was actually lying to me. And not only he himself – it seems that Lieutenant Lafayette and Lieutenant Uhura went along with it." He looked at Uhura sternly.

She apologized instantly. "I felt bad about it. But then… Jim usually knows what he's doing… in his own way… doesn't he, Leonard?" She winked at him.

"I'll tell you about that once I'm done being mad at him for messing with my life."

"I thought you would be, by now." She cast a sideways look at Chris.

"Curiosity killed the cat, Lieutenant," Chris told her, "Leave him alone, will you? I'll take care of it."

"I never doubted that, sir." Uhura grinned at him.

"Smart girl."


	11. Homecoming Feast

_- „El amor entra por la cocina." -_

_- Spanish proverb ("Love enters through the kitchen")_

_

* * *

_

In the end, not only Uhura, but also Spock, Scotty and Sulu accompanied them to dinner. Commodore Roseleaf had sent her husband back to his office after threatening him with all sorts of reprisals if he wouldn't leave Chris alone for the time being, and joined them, too. She was chatting animatedly with Sulu about botany, which seemed to be a mutual hobby.

As Leonard looked around the table, he saw Spock engaged in a serious discussion with Admiral Reed, while Scotty was flirting with Uhura, who threw back her head, laughing. The atmosphere was open, cheerful, relaxed.

He turned to Chris, touching his hand under the table and felt warm, gentle fingers grasping and caressing his own.

"How is Joana?" Chris asked him quietly.

"The last time I talked to her, she and her mother were planning on spending spring break at a ranch in Texas. Jo was excited about horse-back riding and getting to wear a cowboy hat." He smiled at the recollection and looked up, only to find his smile mirrored on Chris' face.

"Is she going to come?"

"Jocelyn will send her up in a couple of days." He paused before adding: "She told me about that game you gave her for her birthday. She loved it."

"Really? Well, I'm glad. I had to ask Elva for help, when I got it… do you remember Elva?"

The picture of a blond, blue-eyed girl looking a little too serious for her age appeared in front of Leonard's inner eye. He nodded. He had met Chris' niece briefly.

"She ought to be thirteen or fourteen now…"

"She's fourteen. Her sisters are sixteen and five. They are all back in San Francisco now, since my brother-in-law decided to spend his last few years of work on firm ground. It's quite an adjustment with Laurel back in town… my little sister is an impossible person."

Leonard grinned. "You know, I'm curious. I think I'd like to meet them all…"

"And you undoubtedly will," Chris sighed, "if Laurel has her way, and she always does…"

"Sounds like you had fun growing up together."

"You have no idea…"

Just then, Admiral Reed, who had apparently finished his conversation with Spock, leant closer, a good-natured twinkle in his eyes. "So… Christopher, I hear you're in for a formal reprimand?"

Chris winced, but he stood his ground. "If they let it come to that."

"What did you do?" Leonard asked suspiciously. "Jim mentioned something, but I guess I wasn't really listening."

"No, I guess, you really weren't," Reed said, brows raised, "considering that everybody has been talking about it – or shouting, that is, in Rebekka's case. What it all comes down to is that Christopher – after leaving his former assignment as Head of Starfleet's Personnel and Recruiting Division in a rush – somehow managed to turn the ship that was supposed to carry him to Romulus around in mid-flight and return to Earth." He looked at Chris. "Luster and his superiors are furious with you for letting them down. Well – as furious as diplomats ever get. Relations with Romulus are bad enough as it is, they hardly needed for their newly appointed ambassador to change his mind and leave them empty-handed."

"Wait a minute," Leonard cut in, "you're to be ambassador to Romulus? After what Nero did to you? Are you out of your mind?"

"I asked him that, too," Rebekka Roseleaf said, "my husband was thrilled, though. He's been meaning to get Chris for the job ever since he was fit for duty again."

"Well, then I'm sorry to say that his people skills suck, diplomat or not," Leonard replied angrily, before turning to Chris: "You could have told me, by the way."

"Hardly, considering that I wasn't talking to you at the time," Chris replied, irony clearly audible in his voice.

"Well, anyway – since you're here instead of on your way to Romulus, I'd hazard a guess that you're not taking the job, after all?" Admiral Reed asked him. "Because in that case, I'll have a fair bit of paperwork to file with both the FO and Starfleet Command, pouring oil on troubled water and trying to get you reassigned without ruffling too many people's feathers in the process. We already promoted Liu, we can't take that back now." He sighed, then leant forward, eyeing Chris with interest. "I'm curious, though. I've never known you to change your mind that quickly twice in a row."

"Things happen, Malcolm. Decisions have to be revised," Chris replied stoically.

"Uh-huh."

"Why am I getting the feeling that this is my fault?" Leonard asked Chris.

"It's not," Uhura said, "it's Jim's. Well – and Admiral Pike's, for being…"

"… a pigheaded fool? Yeah, we all noticed that," Commodore Roseleaf remarked, grinning at her former superior.

"Well, thanks for pointing it out anyway," he replied sourly. "It seems that all my friends agree for once. Though I suppose I should be grateful. What Jim got me to realize – and I'm sure that was his intention all along – is that life is too short and fragile to lose time over hurt pride and thick headedness. Especially out here in space. I've lost too many people I cared about already, I should have needed Jim to remind me, but I did."

"So you went back to Earth in order to…?" Reed asked.

"Correct a mistake. And I'm hoping it's not too late." A quick look aimed at Leonard, who shook his head emphatically.

"Too late for what? Why the untimely haste?" Reed frowned in obvious confusion.

"Life's precious, Malcolm. Especially when there's someone waiting for you to tell them that you love them. I couldn't afford to lose any more time. And I've got Jim to thank for that realization… which doesn't mean that I'm not going to kill him for scaring me to death."

Everyone, including Leonard, was staring at him now, then Rebekka chuckled softly. "Guess the cat's out of the bag now, huh? You know, I _was_ wondering about that all along…"

"So… it's personal…?" Reed asked, as if he could not quite believe that.

"Unless you consider my love-life a matter of interest to either Starfleet or the FO," Chris replied, his eyes sparkling with good humor now.

"Well then why the hell didn't you say so? I'd have understood that! Really, Christopher, by now I'm inclined to agree with Rebekka…" He shook his head. "It's okay to put private matters before business on occasion, you know."

"Trip's going to have a heart attack if I tell him you said that," Rebekka said, grinning broadly.

"Don't tell him, then."

"Where is he, by the way?"

"At home, looking after the kids… or rather, wrecking the house with their help. I'm always terrified at what I might find when I walk through the front door after I've been gone for the day. If I might offer a piece of advice to the people at this table who aren't already married – never marry an engineer. They have just as much fun taking things apart as putting them together…"

That earned him a round of good-natured chuckles, before he returned his attention to Chris.

"So… we've determined that you, too, appear to have a private life, Christopher. Surprising as this may be, I think it hardly warrants the kind of fuss everyone has been kicking up. I suggest you take some time off to figure it out, then call me about your new assignment."

"Works for me," Chris replied.

"Um… Admiral, maybe you ought to have a few words in private with Leonard," Uhura suggested slyly, "he looks about ready to choke on his drink."

Leonard shot her a furious look, but Chris just nodded gracefully. "Yes, you might have a point there, Lieutenant." He got up, stretching. "Malcolm, thank you for dinner. Everyone else, enjoy the rest of your evening and if you want to talk behind my back, please wait till I'm out of earshot."

He offered a hand to Leonard, who took it, dazed.

Uhura winked at him. "Have fun, Len."

"I'll just pretend I did not hear that," Admiral Reed remarked.


	12. Invitations

_- "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." –_

_J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings_

_

* * *

_

„Better?" Chris asked, a hand on the small of Leonard's back, after they'd stepped out of the restaurant and into the cool night air.

"Next time, could you warn me before making any of these announcements? Please?" Leonard asked weekly. "Cause spluttering my drink all over the table in front of Admiral Reed would have been really embarrassing."

Chris turned to face him, a smile lighting up his eyes. "Okay," he agreed pleasantly, "next time, I'll warn you."

"Which precludes the possibility of there not being a next time," Leonard murmured, quoting Spock, "Chris, you'll have to give me some time to adjust to this. You just went from Shakespearean drama to Hollywood's happily-ever-after in no time." He looked up, unsure what more to say or to do.

_God, I love you so much. And now it's like I'm dreaming, and you're standing right in front of me, close enough to touch, and I don't know how to react._

"We'll have all the time in the world," Chris promised, and his words made Leonard's heart do a little somersault inside his chest. "Will you come with me?"

"Where?" Leonard asked, but actually, he didn't care. The _with-me_-part was all that mattered.

Chris smiled at him. "Home," he said softly and Leonard was caught in that smile, and blinded by it.

_Beautiful, so beautiful…_

"Yes." But then mischief caught up with him and he added: "You know, that's the second time tonight I get invited by an admiral. So what's next? The President asking me over for breakfast?"

"Screw the President," Chris replied, scowling and moving closer until he was almost too close for Leonard to breathe without wanting to fall right into his arms. "_He _didn't just spend the most agonizing few days of his life cursing himself, just because some teenage-misfit-turned-Captain thought he had to re-enact Shakespeare."

"Jeez, you really _are_ mad at Jim, aren't you?"

"I usually don't threaten people with death if I'm not mad at them. That's more of a Jim-thing to do."

"Huh. Guess there's no use trying to persuade you to spare him, then."

"No."

"The most agonizing days of your life, Chris? Really? You know, that's pretty melodramatic and I bet, spending time with Nero was a lot worse…"

"The only good thing about physical pain is that there's a limit to it. At a certain point, it doesn't get any worse – you either die, pass out or get hit with a painkiller, and that's it. There are other forms of suffering, though."

Leonard was quiet, shivering slightly as he contemplated what Chris had just said and how to react to it, before he decided to act on impulse. He put a hand on Chris' shoulder and the other one on the back of his head, pulling him in for a kiss that was gentle, yet determined.

"So how's that for a painkiller?"

That earned him another smile – he could have killed for those smiles – as Chris replied: "Better than morpheme and probably twice as addictive."

"Yeah, well, I thought you might prefer that to a hypo… Jim always complains that I'm way too fond of them anyway."

"So, do you kiss him, too, in order to make him feel better?"

"Still a little jealous, are we? No, obviously I don't, Chris. I don't think his already overgrown ego needs that kind of boost. Besides, Spock would probably push me out of an airlock and then pretend it was an accident if I did."

"Spock?" Chris asked in obvious surprise.

"Don't tell me you hadn't noticed that…? He positively _adores_ Jim. Oh, there's nothing sexual about it – I'd go as far as to say that our favorite Vulcan is actual an asexual being if Jim didn't swear he kissed Uhura… and not on the cheek, mind you. Anyway, Spock has grown fond of Jim, in his weird Vulcan way, they are good friends by now, and he's very protective of that friendship. I actually found myself fighting with him over _Jim_ a couple of times recently, and that was a pretty disconcerting experience…"

"I bet," Chris replied, but then he shrugged, "though it doesn't surprise me much. Jim has a way with people, and I suppose, even Vulcans aren't immune to that. Besides, Jim's got a brilliant mind, and Spock certainly admires that in a person. It's what drew him to Uhura, too… though I'm not so sure about the kissing part. That could've just been a lot more enthusiasm on her side than on his. Though it seems that she's found herself a new love interest…"

"Scotty." Leonard grinned. "Yes, I've been watching that, too. I guess she won't be too concerned about Admiral Reed's advice."

"Which ought not to be taken too serious, anyway, considering that he is one of the most happily married people I know."

"I think I like him," Leonard mused.

"Malcolm? Yes, he's a pretty likeable person. It's a shame he never got around commanding a ship."

"He made it to admiral without ever commanding a ship?"

"Well, Jim made it to captain without ever graduating from the Academy. Malcolm's always been ambitious, as far as I can tell. He left space in order to stay with his partner, but that hasn't kept him from rising up the ranks pretty fast. He's got a thing for politics." Chris chuckled quietly. "Though he's right about his partner – Trip _is _a menace, and he's very well capable of taking apart a house in no time. Especially when aided by their children. You think one child with a paint pot is bad? Think again. They've got four, and three of them are nearly the same age… they ought to be eight or nine by now, so they are probably out of the paint pot and into the war games stage."

"I don't mean to be tactless, Chris, but seeing that I'm a doctor and pretty well aware of the… limitations of human reproductive medicine – how did they come by four kids?"

Chris shrugged. "There's still adoption. I know that Laurie, their eldest, is an orphan from a colony Malcolm went to for a rescue mission. As for the other three… I suppose, once you decide that you're up to raising one adopted child, a few more probably won't bother you so much. Besides, it is easier to convince the authorities in question of your suitability as adoptive parents if you've already proven that you can do it."

"You've given some thought to that yourself, haven't you?" Leonard realized.

"I wouldn't be a suitable candidate, Leonard."

"Nonsense, you're really good with kids. I've seen you with Joanna and with your sister's little girls."

"That's not what I meant. I was hinting at the significant lack of a significant other in my life so far. Adoption authorities aren't too fond of the whole single-parenting thing. Besides, I always put my career first. "

"No, not always," Leonard said softly, locking gazes with him, "or you wouldn't have turned that ship around, just because Jim told you I had been injured."

"That was the first time," Chris replied just as quietly.

"Was it worth it?"

"Yes," Chris whispered, before wrapping him into a close embrace. It didn't matter that they were standing on a well-lit sidewalk, that everyone could see them. It didn't matter that it was raining softly and that their hair was already sprinkled with moisture. It didn't matter that they'd once upon a time had an agreement to never even let it come thus far.

All that mattered was that Chris was holding Leonard, that Leonard clung onto him as if he'd never, ever let him go again, that Chris' lips were on his, gently, tenderly exploring them, telling him that yes, this was all real, that he was loved and wanted and had been missed more than words could express.

* * *

Chris lived in walking distance of the restaurant Malcolm Reed had taken them to, which was no big surprise considering that both addresses lay within the Academy district.

The quiet residential area close to the main engineering campus was actually an all-Starfleet neighborhood; neat, well-kept, somewhat uniform brick houses nestled into small gardens. To Leonard's surprise, they were welcomed at the door… by two cats.

One was a magnificent Abyssinian, with bright yellow eyes and an imperial manner. The other was smaller, black and white with green eyes.

"I didn't know you'd gotten a companion for Tiberius," Leonard remarked, bending down to pet the Abyssinian, who condescendingly allowed him to do so. Tiberius had been Chris' therapist's idea after he'd recovered enough to take care of a pet again. She'd argued that it would help him get over the traumatic experiences with Nero. Leonard wasn't so sure about that, but Chris and the cat certainly got along well, so there was probably no harm to it.

Chris took their slightly wet coats to hang them up, casting a glance at the second cat, who shyly sat by the door that led to the living room.

"I figured he shouldn't be alone. Seemed unfair, somehow. She's better company for him than I am." He chuckled. "You know what my therapist said when I told her? She said it was a nice idea and asked me when I was going to get a companion for myself. That's when I stopped seeing her."

"Figures," Leonard murmured, "you'd have thought she was messing with your life."

"Well, she was, wasn't she?"

"Yes, but it's her job, silly." He shook his head, straightening up. "What's her name?"

"The therapist's?"

"No. The cat's. I'm not interested in your therapist, I met her once and that was quite enough."

"You see?" Chris replied grinning. "Her name is Lucky. Come on in."

He opened the door for Leonard, leading him into the living room, both cats following at their heels.

"Looks like you," Leonard commented, after briefly scanning the room. It was spacious, with large windows and a fireplace. The furniture was simple, functional, yet elegant in design. Colors were scarce, nearly everything was kept in black and white, even the thick, soft carpet, but there were a few pictures – family and several class pictures - and two sketches, as well as a few schematic drawings of space ships.

Chris shot him a questioning look.

"Your house," Leonard clarified, "the way a room is furnished can tell you a lot about the character of the person who lives in it. And this room has _Admiral Christopher Pike_ written all over it."

"It does? Well, then you must take me for a pretty boring person," Chris replied, his eyes twinkling.

"I wouldn't call it boring. _Focused_ is the word that comes to mind. Maybe _modest_ or _unobtrusive_. It needs a little friendly chaos, though." He grinned.

"I think, I just invited that in."

"You're calling me chaotic?"

"In an endearing way, you are."

"Very diplomatic, Chris," Leonard chuckled, "maybe they weren't so far off in making you an ambassador after all."

"Maybe. Bourbon?"

"You need to ask?"

"It's considered polite. Sit. You're my guest, so get to chaotifying my living room already and make yourself comfortable."

"_Chaotifying_? That's not a word."

"I just came up with it. The Romulans have one like that, but there isn't a sufficient term in our language, so I had to make one up. Learning a foreign language really expands your horizon."

"Yeah, I bet," Leonard laughed, settling down on the sofa with the Abyssinian in his lap, "how many do you speak again, seven?"

"It's actually six; Klingon is more of a faucal disease than a language." Chris handed him a glass of bourbon before sitting down next to him.

Leonard took a sip of it, then put down the glass on the low glass table in front of him and turned to face Chris. "So… why are we talking about your cats, furniture and linguistics?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "It's called small-talk. One considers it a polite way to fill the gaps between those very few actually material things people say to each other. You're spending too much time with Spock, if you actually need to ask me that."

"My mistake… to be more precise; what I really meant was: let's get down to the material things. I take it that Jim more or less cleared up your misconceptions about me having an affair with him?"

Chris inclined his head. "More or less. And I'm sorry for being such an idiot about it, but I really thought…"

"That I'd suddenly developed a romantic interest in my notoriously childish, outrageously annoying and foolishly reckless best friend, who just happens to be my commanding officer? Not very likely. Besides, you've seen pictures of my ex-wife, so you ought to know that I'm really not into blondes…"

"Not funny," Chris growled, aiming at him with a pillow that missed its mark, but managed to scare Tiberius away. "What was I supposed to think, Leonard? You turned me down when I invited you to spend shoreleave with me, then Spock tells me of his conversation with Christine Chapel, and when I ask you about it, you actually tell me that you love him."

"What? I never said that!" Leonard frowned.

"Sure you did, though I suppose you didn't mean it quite that way. Remember our conversation, when I asked you about the nature of your friendship with Jim?"

"Vividly." Leonard suppressed a shudder, then realization hit him and he looked up. "Jeez, Chris, you really _are_ an idiot! I wasn't talking about Jim. I meant you!"

"I asked about Jim."

"No, you didn't. You asked me whether it was love. Well, it was. Still is. I had been meaning to tell you that for quite a while, but you'd never let me."

Chris opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again, just staring at him for a long moment.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "No, why would I be? After all, I just love these misunderstandings." He sighed. "_Of course_ I am, Chris. I've always been honest with you, haven't I? Sometimes a little more honest than you could take."

Chris shook his head, then buried his face in his hands. "I think I'll just die out of remorse now," he announced half-ironically.

"No, you won't. You can still make up for it... come here and I'll show you…"

* * *

_Hi everyone, I just wanted to say thank you for the awesome reviews you gave me! I'm glad you still like it. I could have ended it a couple of chapters ago, I suppose, but I'm just having so much fun writing it... therefore, I'll do at least a few more chapters. You'll get to meet some of Chris' family, including his sister, Laurel. I might also do that M-rated excerpt_ Lunetta _suggested..._


	13. Changes

_- "Es gibt keine Zufälle"-_

_(There's no such thing as a coincidence), Christoph Marzi, "Lycidas"_

_

* * *

_

Leonard awoke, feeling slightly disoriented and wondering why the hell he'd fallen asleep in such an awkward position and how the amber-colored cat had ended up on his chest. Then he noticed that the cat wasn't the only one who was snuggling up to him, and he instantly decided that actually, physical comfort was totally overrated and that he'd worry about muscle soreness some other time.

Tiberius opened his yellow eyes, shooting him a wary look that warned him not get up.

"Not planning on it, kitty-cat," Leonard murmured, "not for anything in the world."

Tiberius appeared to be satisfied with that response and closed his eyes again, purring softly.

Leonard felt a lot like purring, too. Was there anything more perfect to waking up only to realize that you'd fallen asleep in your lover's living room after hours of talking and cuddling on the sofa? Especially, when said lover was still curled up next to you, looking absolutely peaceful and positively adorable in his sleep…

Well, Jim would probably have argued that there was still something missing to their relationship, but personally, Leonard had been shocked enough to find that Chris had gone from near-denial to _I love you_ in just a few days. He didn't need the sex part just yet.

Chris started to stir, moving closer and murmuring.

"Are you purring?" He sounded pretty sleepy.

"No, that'd be Tiberius," Leonard chuckled, "I haven't learned how to do that yet."

"This is decidedly nicer than waking up to the sound of Starfleet's standard alarm," Chris commented, yawning.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about getting a cat, too," Leonard teased.

"You know perfectly well that I wasn't talking about the cat," Chris shot back, turning slightly and pushing himself up on an elbow in order to be able to look down at Leonard.

"Oh?"

"Anything I could reply to that would be decidedly un-complimentary."

"Uh-huh. No insults before breakfast."

* * *

Breakfast time brought an unexpected caller – or at least, Chris had not expected him, Leonard on the other hand, was not too surprised.

"Jim," Chris said, frowning as he opened the door and received a brilliant smile from the young captain.

"Should I call for Bones to rescue me, or have you decided to spare my life?" Jim asked.

"I wouldn't rescue you, anyways," Leonard said from behind Chris.

"Aw, Bones, I'm hurt! Isn't that what friends are for?"

"Depends. Why aren't you off to breaking your neck climbing some godforsaken rock?"

"It's so nice to be welcome," Jim commented, before adding in a more serious tone of voice: "I had a few things to take care of before leaving."

"Such as?" Chris asked.

"For example making sure you got your baggage, Bones. You didn't take care of that yesterday."

"So you decided to deliver it in person?" Leonard asked suspiciously. "That's… nice, Jim."

"Well, I am a nice person."

"Occasionally."

"Always! That's not the only reason I'm here, though."

"Now why doesn't that surprise me…," Leonard murmured.

Jim looked at Chris. "We need to talk."

Chris' frown deepened. "Do we?"

Jim sighed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, we do. See, Bones, that's exactly my point – you two make the perfect couple, since you're one as thick-headed and easily offended as the other."

"Whatever happened to _'no insults before breakfast'_?" Leonard muttered.

"Doesn't apply to Jim, I'm afraid." Chris shook his head.

"You should have taught him some manners while he was still at the Academy. Or even after that."

"That'd be a life-task. Care to share the responsibility?"

They both looked at Jim appraisingly, then Leonard sighed. "I already have one kid to raise; I guess one more doesn't make that much of a difference."

"Hey, did I miss something? You guys thinking about adopting me? That'd be awesome!" Jim's eyes sparkled with humor.

"Get inside, Jim," Chris told him impatiently, "We might as well talk over breakfast."

"So you can stab me with a butter knife, sir?" Jim mockingly suggested.

Chris threw up his hands in exasperation. "You give me headaches, kid! Whatever was I thinking, recruiting you for Starfleet?"

"That I'd be a valuable asset to the organization," Jim replied innocently.

"Make that _a threat and its potential ruin_," Chris muttered while closing the door behind him.

"I love you, too, you know," Jim replied, grinning. "Hey! I didn't know you were a cat person." He pointed at Tiberius and Lucky, who were expecting them by the door to the dining room. They too, seemed to be eager for breakfast.

"There's a lot you don't know about me," Chris retorted.

"Apparently. Do they have names?"

"No, Jim, I just call them _'cat'_," Chris huffed, rolling his eyes. "_Of course_ they do." And he introduced both cats to Jim, who got on his knees to pet them.

"Might I ask why you gave one of your cats my middle name?"

"Because he's just as arrogant and overbearing as you are."

"Jeez, aren't you charming this morning…! Did you get up on the wrong side of bed, or would that be Bones' fault?" Jim cast his friend a sly look.

"Behave yourself," Leonard chastised, "You've earned yourself a reprieve, so don't waste it. Where did you leave your Vulcan shadow, by the way?"

"Spock? I have no idea where he is, but we agreed to meet for lunch. Lieutenant Lafayette is coming, too."

"Leave that girl alone, Jim," Chris told him flatly.

"Why? You want her for yourself?"

Chris looked as if he was tempted to hit Jim, who quickly amended: "I'm just kidding!"

"I sure hope so. I'm serious, though, Jim."

"Why do you two always think the worst of me?"

"We know you just a little too well," Leonard replied. "Now, what about the girl, Jim?"

"She's hardly a girl. She's a grown woman and very well capable of making her own decisions. Besides, it's perfectly harmless."

Leonard and Chris exchanged a meaningful look.

"I'll have your head if you break her heart," Chris threatened.

"Well, in that case, I'll try to avoid it," Jim replied, grinning.

* * *

They were halfway through with breakfast, when the doorbell rang for a second time.

"That's a lot of callers for one morning," Chris commented, getting up to answer it. Tiberius followed him to the door on silent paws, while Lucky seemed to have discovered her eternal love for Jim, who was feeding her bits of ham and cheese.

"Commander!" They heard Chris' astonished voice and both Leonard and Jim frowned as they heard the familiar calm voice answer: "Admiral, I am sorry to bother you, but…"

"Spock?" Jim asked, rising from his chair. "Now that's odd…"

"Do you need to speak with Jim?" Chris asked.

"No, actually I need to speak with Dr. McCoy. I wasn't aware that Captain Kirk was with you as well."

"Come in, Spock."

Chris led the Vulcan to the dining room.

"Are you well, Spock?" Leonard asked him, because he couldn't fathom a non-medical reason for Spock's visit.

"I can assure you that I am in excellent health, Doctor," Spock replied, "However, I am charged with a rather unpleasant task."

"What happened?" Jim asked, all traces of humor gone from his face. He seemed to have caught some emotional vibe from the Vulcan that the others could not perceive, and given their close connection, it wasn't altogether surprising.

"It pains me to be the one who has to deliver the bad news, but apparently Child Protective Services has been trying to contact you, Doctor, and when they could not reach you, they tried to contact your superiors, which ultimately led them to me, as Jim, too, was unavailable. It is about your daughter."

Leonard shot up, a jolt of fear going through him. "What about her?"

"It appears that there has been an accident."

Leonard caught a gasp from Jim and a sharp intake of breath from Chris, who moved closer to him, but his eyes remained focused on the infuriatingly calm Vulcan.

_Joana!_

Spock raised his hand in what was meant to be a reassuring gesture. "They assured me that she sustained only slight injuries and that those have been treated immediately. However, I am afraid that the same cannot be said about her mother. It appears that she lost her life in that accident."

Leonard swallowed hard, feeling dazed. "When…?"

"Yesterday, around midday."

"So… Jocelyn is… _dead?_" It seemed laughably unreal. No, she couldn't be… could she…? Jocelyn? Dead?

"Joana is well, though?" Jim asked.

"Tolerably well, considering that she just lost her mother," Spock confirmed. "They have a psychologist attending to her, but they were very urgent about having to contact you, Doctor."

"Probably about a transfer of guardianship for her," Jim murmured, "It's what usually happens in such cases, isn't it?"

Leonard felt Chris' hand on his shoulder. "We'll fly to meet her immediately. Jim…"

"Got it." Jim nodded. "You make that call, Bones, and I'll see to it that you're on the next shuttle to…" - he looked at Spock questioningly.

"Houston," the Vulcan supplied helpfully.

* * *

_Okay, so no excerpt-worthy stuff in this chapter, but we'll get to that eventually. I just felt it would have been a little too early given their relationship_. _I know it's pretty mean to shock poor Leonard like that, but it'll all work out in the end, I promise. He'll be happy. ;)_


	14. Family

_- „Angst verleiht Flügel." –_

_German proverb, "Fear lends wings"_

_

* * *

_

"It's eleven-thirty. The shuttle leaves in approximately two hours, which should give you plenty of time to pack everything you'll need and to get there," Jim quietly reported to Chris, who stood by the door to the living room, watching Leonard intently and rather anxiously. "Is he still talking to Child Protective Services?"

Chris nodded: "They put him through to the hospital, so he could talk to the physician and the psychologist who are taking care of Joana. She's sleeping; apparently she's had nightmares and has been crying half the night."

"Well, what do you expect," Jim murmured, "She just watched her Mum die. Feels horrible, I can tell you that. Spock could, too, I guess. The least we can do is to get her father to her as soon as possible."

Chris averted his eyes from Leonard to look at him, and his face was deeply troubled. "I almost forgot, Jim. I'm sorry."

"About my mother?" Jim swallowed hard. "It's okay. It's been a few years and you'd think I'd know by now that it wasn't my fault."

"Of course it wasn't!"

"Try telling that to a sixteen-year-old who's been raised knowing that his father gave his life so he could live. In the end, they both did, each in their own way," Jim replied bitterly.

Chris reached out, grabbing his arm. "Stop it," he ordered severely, "George didn't die for you, and he didn't die because of you. Neither did Winona. The first was Nero's doing, the latter a virus. You can hardly take the blame for either, and they most certainly wouldn't want you to."

"Yeah, but you know what the doctors said about that virus? That she wouldn't have caught it or died of it if she'd been healthier in the first place. She always pushed herself too hard. Because of me, and because of what happened to my Dad. She wanted to be a good mother… and she wanted to make him proud. To prove that she was worthy of his sacrifice. Oh, she never spoke about it, not that openly, anyway, but I knew. And she never had anyone who'd tell her to stop," Jim said, his blue eyes locked on Chris' face.

"No, but you do. I did once, and I'll do it again. To put it bluntly: I won't let you fuck up your life; it's too valuable."

"To Starfleet? Because I'm a war-hero's son? Because I'm a goddamn genius?" Jim shook his head. "That's not good enough."

"To _me_," Chris hissed, tightening his grip on Jim's arm, "Because you're Jim. I don't care about your name or your aptitude tests. Maybe _Captain Pike_ did, and maybe _Admiral Pike_ does, but I _do_ have a life beyond the uniform. You happen to be a part of that; and I'd be very, very unhappy if you screwed it up. And believe me; you don't want me to be unhappy with you."

"Was that a threat?" Jim asked, raising his brows.

"Whatever works," Chris replied, shrugging, "The next step would've been to smack your head against a wall, but I'm sort of hoping you got the message."

"If I interpret it correctly, you just said that you love me and that you'll beat the crap out of me if I ever get into a bout of survivor's guilt again." Jim looked at him expectantly.

"That about sums it up, yes. I didn't think you'd be too comfortable with the _I-love-you_-part, considering that it's coming from _me_, though, so I sort of stepped around that."

"Guys don't talk about that, huh? It's okay, though, we're family."

"Family? Did I miss something?"

"Well, how do you define family?"

Chris shrugged again. "A group of blood-related people, who care about and support each other."

"Your brother-in-law is not blood-related to you, but you consider him family, don't you?"

"I suppose so."

"You see? You and Bones are the closest thing to family I've had since my mother died. I mean, he's my best friend, but also a lot more than that. I love him, and I love you. He's more like an older brother, though, considering our ages; while you are… well…" He seemed faintly embarrassed.

"A father figure?" Chris suggested, the hint of a smile ghosting his lips. "It's okay, Jim. I can live with that." And after a moment's pause he added: "Quite well, actually. I guess I accepted that responsibility when I walked into that bar in Iowa. Of course I didn't know then how much trouble you'd be."

"Prevents you from getting bored, though, doesn't it?" Jim smiled.

"You ever start calling me _Daddy_, Jim, and I'll personally keelhaul you. And let me tell you, it's not nearly as much fun with a spaceship as it used to be on the good old _Bounty_."

"I'll try to remember that, sir," Jim replied fondly.

* * *

The flight to Houston was rather short and uneventful, even though Chris suspected that every minute of it was pure agony to Leonard. There was no way to know for certain, though, because Leonard didn't talk. He kept staring out of the window, a somewhat distant look on his face. Sometime during the flight Chris took his hand; it felt cold and lifeless.

Leonard barely said a word on their way to the hospital, either and Chris wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. He had rarely felt this helpless, because he knew that no matter what he did, there was very little he could do to help Leonard through this. Chris had quite some experience with losing crewmembers, but he had never been faced with a situation similar to Leonard's. And he hated feeling helpless.

The doctor who had treated Joana after the accident was young and her expressive face broke into a relieved smile, when she greeted Leonard. "My name is Myra Stanley," was the first thing she said – and the second: "Joana will be fine."

Leonard didn't look very reassured by that, though. "Can I see her?"

"Sure. She's still asleep... exhaustion combined with a mild sedative. I'll take you there. She broke her right wrist and a finger and sustained a mild concussion. Other than that and a few bruises and scratches, she's okay. Physically, that is."

"Jocelyn…?" Leonard asked, his voice hoarse.

Dr. Stanley shook her head sadly. "She was dead almost instantly. There was nothing anyone could have done for her."

_Her bedside manner sucks_, Chris thought, but then, Myra Stanley was young and this might very well have been her first such accident. His heart ached for Leonard, though.

They entered a corridor and stopped in front of a set of glass double doors, behind which lay a sun-streaked room with honey-colored walls decorated with bright pictures. Clearly, this room was intended for children, but the single dark-haired child that lay asleep in the large bed seemed lost, pale and forlorn amid all those cheerful colors.

Chris distinctly heard Leonard's breath catch at the sight.

Dr. Stanley opened the doors. "Go on inside," she whispered, "I'll be right here."

She looked at Chris, who shook his head. No, he wouldn't follow Leonard into the room; it would have felt like intruding. This was between Leonard and his child, and much as Chris loved him and cared about her, he'd stand back unobtrusively.

The glass doors slid shut as they watched Leonard approach the bed and bend over Joana.

"It's a small miracle she got out of that accident alive," Dr. Stanley said in an undertone. "She's scared and confused and doesn't quite grasp what happened yet, though. It's a good thing to have her father here now… and Child Protective Services tells me that they were lucky to catch him on shoreleave." She looked at him questioningly.

Chris nodded, trying not to imagine what would have happened had Leonard been in space instead.

"How long is he off duty?"

"Three weeks, but I'll see what I can do about that."

"You're his CO?" Dr. Stanley asked.

Chris shook his head. "Used to be. It won't be a problem, though. Joana is all that matters right now, and she needs him. I'll make sure that they both get what they need."

Dr. Stanley nodded, apparently satisfied.

* * *

When Joana woke up, she was groggy and slightly disoriented, but it didn't take her long to realize that _finally_, her father had gotten here.

"Daddy!" It wasn't exactly a shout of happiness, rather one of intense relief. Then she burst into tears.

Dr. Stanley came to check on her and announced that from her medical point of view, there was absolutely no reason why Joana should be forced to stay in the hospital any longer than absolutely necessary.

The psychologist came and went, and she, too, agreed that Joana should be allowed to leave once the necessary formalities had been dealt with.

"There will be a certain amount of paperwork and you might want to get a lawyer to look into it," she advised Leonard, who simply nodded. Chris touched a hand to his arm. "I'll take care of it."

The psychologist cast him a sideways look, raising her brows ever so slightly. Chris didn't really care for that look.

"You'll be taking her to San Francisco for the time being?" She asked Leonard, who wasn't really listening.

"No," Chris corrected her, "_We_ will."

* * *

_I have no idea if anyone ever got keelhauled on the 'Bounty', but it was the first name that came to my mind and I figured that in that moment, Chris probably wouldn't care about the accuracy of his claim, either_. _Blame the entire "we're a family"-notion on David Eddings - I just got my hands on a new copy of "The Redemption of Althalus" (I trashed my old one about a year ago because it was falling apart) and I've been reading it all week. Dweia's sense of family is sort of rubbing off on me..._


	15. Laurel

_- "Those whom the gods love die young." –_

_I was going to attribute this to Goethe, but Wikipedia claims that it actually comes from Greek mythology. Oh well. Goethe was a genius, anyways…^^_

_

* * *

_

"They'll be back soon," Jim assured Tiberius, who was looking up at him accusingly. "And I'm sure they'll all be fine… eventually."

Tiberius did not seem convinced. He wasn't at all happy with his master's sudden disappearance, and having a stranger stay at the house didn't make things better.

Nor did the ring of the doorbell that made both cats and Jim jump.

"Chris?" A woman's voice called, and the next moment, three people stepped into the room. It was hard to say whose surprise was greater, but Jim was first to recover, taking in the sight of the woman who faced him. She was slender and graceful, her dark hair cropped short, which made her look younger than she probably was. Her face was attractive, large grey eyes reminding Jim very much of Chris.

"Well, hello there," the woman said, looking him up and down. "Jim Kirk. I certainly wasn't expecting you here."

"Have we met?" Jim asked, faintly confused. She looked somewhat familiar, but he'd chalked that up to her resemblance to Chris.

She smiled. "Laurel Rasmussen. I'm Christopher's sister. You probably don't remember me, but we met briefly when I visited him while he was hospitalized at Starfleet Medical."

"Oh." Now he remembered. Yes, he'd met her… as well as one of the two silent blond shadows who had stepped into the room behind her. They looked like a pair of fairies with their gleaming golden hair coming down almost to their waists, fair skin and lithe built. The younger one had a splatter of freckles on her nose and cheeks.

"My daughters, Malin and Elva."

The girls smiled at him shyly.

"It's nice to meet you," Jim replied courteously. "I'm afraid, you won't find Chris here, though."

Laurel frowned. "Where did he go? My brother is rather elusive these days, we actually came to check on him, because he hasn't called or visited in well over a week, and that's pretty unusual."

"Well, he has been under a lot of stress lately," Jim replied evasively.

"Yes, I noticed that," Laurel said, rolling her eyes. "He signed up for a mission on Romulus; Balder and I took that for a sure sign that he'd lost his marbles."

"Mom!" Malin protested, apparently not pleased with her mother's frankness.

"Hush, dear, it's not as shocking as it sounds. Everyone gets those sudden bouts of insanity once in a while…"

"Well, I won't when I'm grown up," Elva stated firmly.

"No, honey, of course not. You and your sisters always have been the only sane people in this family, come to think of it," Laurel replied with a good-natured grin.

Jim smiled and decided that he liked Chris' family. "Ah… it was a misunderstanding," he told them. "Sort of. That has been cleared up, though. He won't go there… I think."

"Oh?" Laurel asked. "What changed his mind? Usually, when Chris is determined to do something, he doesn't turn back."

"I did. It was a hard piece of work, but I finally could persuade him that I wasn't trying to steal his lover."

Both Malin and Elva started to giggle.

"He doesn't have…" Laurel began, then her face lit up, "Oh. So that's what all this has been about? Huh. Trust Chris to keep his secrets. It's Leonard McCoy, isn't it?"

"How do you know?"

Laurel laughed. "I'm his sister, Jim. I know him better than most people, and besides, I was there the last time he was in love with someone. My brother may be a sly fox, but he's only human, after all. Well, this is good to know, and I'm happy for him. It still doesn't explain why he's not here, though." She looked at Jim expectantly.

"Bones' – Dr. McCoy's – daughter was hurt in an accident yesterday. They should be in Houston and at the hospital with Joana by now."

"How bad is it?" Laurel asked, the laughter suddenly gone from her face.

"Joana wasn't hurt that badly. That's the good news. Bad news is that her mother was in that accident, too, and she didn't make it."

Laurel cursed under her breath, which surprised Jim. But then… she and Chris came from the same family, after all…

"So Chris went down there to offer moral support, huh? Now that's a way to spend time with your lover…! How old is the girl?"

"Joana? She's eight."

"Poor child!" Laurel shook her head sadly. "I don't suppose there's anything we could do… not right now, at least. You got any idea when they'll be back?"

Jim shrugged. "Within the next two days, I suppose, depending on how soon the hospital will discharge Joana."

Laurel nodded, as if she'd expected that answer. "I'd be grateful if you could keep me updated… especially since I know Chris won't do it."

"You're his sister, I'm sure he…"

"Don't finish that sentence; we both know it'd be a lie. Chris is exceptionally good at keeping things to himself, especially if they trouble him. He won't tell anyone anything, unless it's work-related or he's forced to. I'd have never met his first lover, if I hadn't walked in on them once. Hell, I didn't even know the guy existed!" She chuckled quietly. "You should have seen the look on his face."

Jim tried to imagine that scene and grinned. "Yeah, it would've probably been worth the consequences."

"Oh, trust me, it was. Besides, he never got around doing something horrible to me; he was so busy trying to explain things to our father. Dad didn't exactly approve."

"Because the other party just happened to be male?"

"Nah, he didn't mind that. It was sort of personal – he wasn't too fond of Thore. In hindsight, I can hardly blame him – not because I didn't like Thore, but because from my father's point of view, Thore can't have been anything but a carefree troublemaker barely out of his teens." She smiled. "He was cute, though. Much better-looking than his brother, too."

"I'm going to tell Dad you said that," Elva announced, grinning.

"He knows, honey. Believe me, he knows. When your kid brother looks like a goddamn male model, you can hardly fail to notice. Nature's unfair, sometimes. Of the two of them, your father got the brains, and Thore got the looks."

"Wait a minute," Jim cut in, intrigued, "So Chris used to be dating your husband's younger brother? Wouldn't that be kind of - I don't know… awkward…?"

"Technically, yes. But it was a long time ago. I was twelve years old when Chris met Thore, and I didn't meet Balder until many years later. You see, the age difference between them was almost as big as between Chris and me."

"You keep saying _was_. What happened?"

Laurel's formerly laughing face assumed a serious, slightly melancholy expression. "Thore died in one of the most stupid and unnecessary ways imaginable. I was told – and they didn't tell me everything, since I was hardly more than a child then – that it involved drugs, alcohol, a drunken fight about something or nothing and the other guy suddenly pulling out a knife and stabbing him. Thore always got himself into all kinds of trouble, but that was the last time. I think both Balder and Chris are still furious at him for dying that way. They used to argue quite a bit about who was guilty of not taking better care of Thore, but I believe they came to some sort of unspoken agreement about ten years ago. It probably entails being mad at Thore and missing him without feeling guilty. They never blamed each other, mind you. They just went out of their ways to prove their own guilt. It was kind of ridiculous, really. If you ask me, it was essentially Thore's own fault. My father thought so, too. Made the mistake of mentioning it to Chris, though… they didn't talk for several years after that. My brother can be pretty…."

"… stubborn?"

"I was going to say _'unforgiving'_, but I guess, _'stubborn'_ fits, too."

"You know, I kind of noticed that myself. It was pretty hard work to persuade him to finally make his move and actually start having a relationship with Bones – er – Leonard. He just doesn't get that people who love him might wanna see him happy and know what's best for him."

"If it's any consolation – he has always been that way. Our father once told him that there was a fine line between self-reliance and misanthropy. I don't think Chris ever understood what he meant. But then, nobody's perfect. My brother is brilliant, caring, reliable and brave. I think if he didn't have those little flaws, he'd be pretty insufferable."

* * *

_Okay, I know that this chapter contains a lot of Chris-bashing (it's all friendly, though, they both really love him...), and that it's sort of mean of me to kill yet another person (even though he wasn't really alive in the first place, never having made any real appearance in the story)_. _However, I just felt that Chris needed a bit of personal history in order to explain certain aspects of his character. As for Jocelyn - I don't like her very much, and I was just being pragmatic - she needed to go in order for Bones to get his little girl, so I made her go for good._

_In case anyone is wondering about the "strange" names - Balder and Thore probably have some Swedish ancestry._


	16. Priorities

_- Quædam iura non scripta, sed omnibus scriptis certiora sunt. -_

_(Some laws are not written, but are more decisive than any written law)_

_- Seneca the Elder -_

_

* * *

_

"I hate lawyers." Leonard dropped down onto the sofa next to Chris, who looked at him in concern. "I just spent two hours with that guy and I still don't know what he's talking about."

"Did you tell him what you want of him?"

"Yes, but he insisted on explaining all those legal details to me."

"Just tell him to make it happen. Firmly. It usually works."

Leonard raised his brows. "Doesn't make you very popular with people, though."

"You don't want to win a popularity contest, do you? He's being paid to make things easier for you, not to complicate them. Lawyers need to be reminded of that occasionally."

Leonard shook his head, his lips curving in a half-smile. "I do love your way of simplifying things. Especially when I'm stuck in an impossibly tangled situation."

"Let's disentangle it, then, shall we?" Chris replied warmly, softly touching Leonard's cheek. "It'll probably take a while till the paperwork is done, but they'll undoubtedly give you sole custody of Joana. For the time being, everyone agrees that you should take her up to San Francisco with you. And just in case you were wondering about that – I'd love to have both you and Joana staying at my house, but you'll have to talk to her about that. There's enough room, in any case. As for Starfleet – no one is expecting you to be back on duty in two weeks and leave Joana behind. Jim is already trying to extend shoreleave. He's also trying to get someone to temporarily take over your duties as CMO, and I'm sure that with Rebekka's help, he'll find a capable replacement."

"I won't go back, Chris," Leonard quietly said. "I can't leave Joana – not in two weeks, not in a month, not in a year. She's my responsibility now."

"I know. So does Jim, I think. I don't think you need to completely resign from Starfleet, though. There are a lot of officers with children and they all manage to be good parents and good at their job at the same time. Take my sister and her husband. They've got three daughters and the youngest is barely five now. Balder managed to run a starbase, though, and Laurel is a damn good engineer. Ask for a reassignment. As soon as Medical hears that you're back on Earth, they'll be trying to get their hands on you."

"You think?"

"Leonard, you just happen to be one of the best doctors in the Fleet. Leyla Maliki would probably kill to have you on her team, and they are always short on personnel at Medical anyways. So I don't think you need to worry about finding a new job. You'll be sorely missed on the _Enterprise_, but they'll all understand that you need to be with Joana. And personally, I know that I won't be particularly unhappy to have you close by, instead of light-years away." He smiled.

Leonard sighed, before leaning in for a hug. "Thanks."

"What for?"

"Making all of this sound easy, for once. And for coming here with me. I really do appreciate it."

"I care about Joana, too, you know. I care about both of you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make this easier for you."

"I know," Leonard whispered. "I just… I love you, Chris…"

"That's nice to know, really," Chris replied, and Leonard could feel his smile when their lips touched in a kiss.

* * *

They returned to San Francisco two days later. Leonard had been at Jocelyn's funeral to pay his respects, but had left Joana with Chris to pick up things she'd need from the apartment she'd lived in with her mother.

She really didn't need to be at the funeral. Children should never be forced to attend funerals.

Jocelyn's parents disagreed with him, but Leonard could live with that, he'd never gotten along well with them, anyway. Besides, he'd rather hurt their feelings than upset Joana any more than she already was.

When he'd returned, he'd found Joana sitting on her bed, tightly clutching an oversized teddy-bear, her eyes reddened with tears. Chris had been sitting by her side, an arm slung around her trembling body.

"Are we leaving, Daddy?" Joana had asked, her voice shaky.

"Yes we are."

"Are we going to come back?"

Leonard had hesitated a moment before replying. "Probably not."

Joana had surprised him, though. "Good. Because it isn't home without Mom."

Leonard had crossed the room with three long strides and knelt down in front of her. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry." He'd touched her tear-streaked cheek and stroked her dark hair.

They had left ten minutes later. Joana hadn't turned to look back, but she had still been clutching the teddy-bear as if her life depended on it.

* * *

Jim and the cats welcomed them at the house, which was a pleasant surprise, especially to Joana, who was in dire need of pleasant surprises. She had known and liked him for years, which wasn't surprising, given Jim's close friendship with her father and his easy, cheerful manner.

The cats, though, were an entirely different matter. Joana, like most children, loved animals, and she had always wanted a cat. Her mother wouldn't have denied her that pleasure, but Jocelyn had been allergic to cats, so there had never been a kitten for Joana. Now there were two of them, and with a cat's very own instinct, they seemed to realize that the girl desperately needed a couple of purring, furry friends.

"And that," Chris said to Leonard and Jim after pulling a blanket over the sleeping Joana, who lay on the bed in one of the two guest-bedrooms with softly purring Lucky snuggling up to her, "Is the reason I like cats." Tiberius, who lay at Joana's feet, opened his yellow eyes briefly to look at him.

They returned to the living room, where Chris poured each of them a glass of red wine, while Jim updated them on the progress he'd made while they had been gone.

"They won't prolong shoreleave, no matter how nicely you ask them, but at least, Commodore Roseleaf seems to have found us a potential replacement. You're gonna love this, Bones – she's Vulcan."

"A Vulcan CMO?" Leonard asked. "I wasn't aware of any Vulcans in Starfleet besides Spock, and he's half human."

"Oh, there are a few of them," Chris assured him. "I know of at least two Vulcan tactical officers, and the Ferragut had a Vulcan science officer, but he was killed in the Narada Incident. There's also T'Pol – she was Archer's first officer. I've never known a Vulcan who was on the Medical staff, but then, Vulcans can do just about everything that doesn't involve deep emotional insights."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about," Leonard replied, frowning, "I know Spock's bedside manner; it's pretty damn horrible, and he had a human mother. I do not want to imagine a pureblood Vulcan trying to comfort distraught patients."

"There's still Christine Chapel for that," Jim said brightly, "Besides, you aren't exactly the kind, universally loving doctor either, and yet we put up with you, because you're damn good at what you do."

"Well thanks, Jim," Leonard grumbled.

"Don't mention it. Anyway, it's worth a try. If it doesn't work, we'll find someone else. In any case, I expressly forbid you to worry about it. That's my job. You take care of Joana."

He looked over at Chris. "Your sister sends her regards, by the way. She's a lovely person."

"Laurel?" Chris raised his brows. "She's a lot of things, but _'lovely'_ isn't the first that comes to mind. When did you meet her?"

"She came by to check on you. She was a little put out, because you sort of neglected to mention that you'd returned."

"I knew she'd find out, anyway, so what's the point?" Chris shook his head. "Trust Laurel to interpret it as a lack of brotherly affection that I don't tell her everything I do."

"Well from what she said, it sounded more as if you didn't tell her anything," Jim replied, grinning. "But I kind of got the feeling that she loves you anyway. She'll probably come by to see you again real soon. I told her a few things that are likely to stir her curiosity." He nodded in general direction of Leonard.

Chris sighed. "Great. Now she'll be all over me about that."

Jim laughed. "You probably deserve it, you know. Keeping secrets from your family isn't very nice."

"I wasn't keeping secrets, Jim!" Chris protested. "I'm just…"

"… uncomfortable admitting that you actually do have soft spots? Yeah, I noticed that. That's why I almost had a heart attack when you told me you loved me like a son. "

"Whoa, when did that happen?" Leonard cut in, looking from Chris to Jim and back in surprise. "And what did you do to him to make him admit that?"

"He went on one of his filial guilt-trips and I was getting a little tired of that. Short of hitting him, there really wasn't much else I could do to make him stop. And you two can stop teasing me right now. I'm good at leading people into battle and inspiring them to do their best, that's why I entered Starfleet. If I'd wanted to spend my days examining emotional reactions and patching up bruised souls, I'd have become a psychologist."

"It's not about dealing with other people's emotional reactions, your pretty good at that. It's your own that make you so uncomfortable," Leonard said.

"Alright, duly noted. Can we please stop having this conversation now?"

Jim laughed. "Making you feel uneasy?"

Chris rolled his eyes at him, then bent down to pet Lucky, who sat at his feet.

Jim stifled a yawn. "You know, I think I'll leave you to discuss this and try to get some sleep. It's been a busy day."

"I bet," Chris agreed, waving him on. "Sleep well."

"I always do," Jim replied, before heading out of the room.

Chris looked over at Leonard, raising his brows. "Now that was surprisingly subtle. His people skills are definitely improving. Maybe there's still hope."

Leonard snorted. "Jim's never had any trouble with his people skills. It's diplomacy he isn't very good at."

"Well, I'd say he's working on it. That was a pretty considerate move… giving us some privacy without actually saying so."

Leonard cast him a sidelong glance. "I wouldn't be quite so sure whether that was really Jim's good intention… or just wishful thinking on your part."

"Bah. You're determined to give me a hard time tonight, aren't you?"

Leonard sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "I didn't mean to irritate you… it's just – I've got a lot on my mind right now."

"I was just teasing, not complaining, Leonard," Chris replied, "I know that you're worried, sad, exhausted. If you need some peace and quiet, some time alone, tell me. I'm here to help you, not to add to your worries."

Leonard shook his head emphatically. "I don't want to be alone."

"Well, you aren't." Chris patted his shoulder in getting up.

Leonard held him back. "Don't."

Chris stopped in mid-turn, looking down at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Well, yes, I am, but just upstairs and I'll be there if you need anything. Or is there anything I could do for you right now?"

More power to Jim for bothering with subtleties, but he himself was too tired and troubled for that tonight, Leonard decided. "I need you. Badly."

It was nice to know that he could still surprise Chris and that astonished look was almost enough to make him chuckle.

"Wishful thinking again, Chris," he chided, "I actually didn't mean it quite that way... though, now that you mention it…"

"I didn't say anything," Chris protested, looking faintly embarrassed.

"No, but you were thinking it loud enough for _Lucky_ to overhear, and she's probably quite shocked at you right now," Leonard teased, his blue eyes lighting up. "Cheer up, Chris. You don't hear me complaining, do you? In fact…" – he got up, stepping closer, close enough to make Chris flinch involuntarily – "Now that I have you trapped, you'll have a hard time wriggling out. You seem to be admitting quite a lot lately… first that you love me, then that you love Jim and Joana, and now I got you as far as to admit that…"

"Fine. You win," Chris interrupted him, torn apparently between a frown and a smile. "Name your prize."

Leonard bent forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that quickly got out of hands.

"I think I already did…"

* * *

_Hi everyone! I sincerely apologize for making you wait. I'm a bit stressed right now. Preparing your first intercontinental move will do that to you... ^^ Hope you like the chapter, though._


	17. Adjusting

_- "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." –_

_Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan_

_

* * *

_

Chris opened his eyes and found himself looking at the ceiling. Instinctively, he turned his face towards the window. Grey dawn was seeping in through a gap between the half-drawn curtains.

Early morning.

His gaze travelled back and his eyes widened slightly when he caught sight of Leonard, lying on his side and all-tangled up in sheets and blankets like a captured fly in the spider's net. Chris couldn't help but feel like the spider, admiring its catch. First of all, he marveled at the fact that Leonard was even there.

_This might take some getting used to._

Secondly, Leonard was one of those rare people who truly look beautiful in their sleep, possibly even more beautiful asleep than awake.

His black hair was tousled and the frown lines and traces of sorrow, annoyance and cynicism wiped from his face, making him look quite a bit younger and somewhat vulnerable. Chris watched his chest rise and fall with every deep intake of breath and knew that he had lost his heart.

Oh well. So be it. He was ready for this.

And he wouldn't let go of Leonard.

Ever.

Deep blue eyes opened with a flutter of lids. Leonard stretched and yawned, breaking the enchantment of the moment.

"Seeing something you like?" His sleepy voice sounded amused.

"Huh?"

"You look like a kid in the candy store."

Chris smiled. _I just wondered why it took us three years to get here and cursed myself for wasting time. But I'm not going to admit that. Not now._

"Let me rephrase that – you look like you probably did when they told you you'd get the _Enterprise_."

"Happy?" Chris suggested, before reaching out to pull Leonard close. He placed a soft kiss on his lover's forehead, then another one on his lips, before drawing away and getting up.

Leonard protested, but then let go of it with a sigh, probably remembering that they both had their responsibilities and that Jim and Joana were likely to be up and about soon.

* * *

Chris showered and dressed, then went downstairs, his hair still wet. Lucky welcomed him with an expectative meow, since she was hoping for breakfast. Another meow sounded from the stairs as Tiberius stepped into sight, followed by a sleepy-looking Joana in her pajamas.

"Good morning," Chris said with a smile.

Joana smiled back shyly.

"Are you hungry?" She had refused to eat anything for dinner the past evening.

Joana hesitated, then shook her head.

"And I suppose, I couldn't get you to change your mind even if I told you that we're going to have pancakes for breakfast…?"

Joana's face brightened a little. "Apple pancakes?"

"Sure, if you like those…"

She nodded emphatically and Chris silently congratulated himself for winning the day's first battle.

"Leonard is still in the shower. You could try and throw Jim out of bed, though. That'd be a real help, he sleeps like a log." That drew another smile from Joana and she turned to head back upstairs.

* * *

Leonard got out of the shower just in time to watch his daughter pull a protesting Jim wearing only his pajama bottoms downstairs to join Chris in the kitchen. Jim was something of a much older brother to Joana and right now, affectionately arguing and bickering, they resembled a pair of sibling more than ever.

Which got Leonard thinking… he looked across the kitchen at Chris and their gazes met. Chris gave a faint nod before turning back to tend to the pancakes.

_He's seen it, too. I wonder what he's making of it._

To Leonard, the whole scenery felt strangely domestic.

Love. Family. Home.

This was going way over his head, and he was feeling overwhelmed by it, but it was hard to ignore the warmth that spread in his chest.

Jim scooped Joana up, whirling her about and drawing a shout of "Hey! Be careful!" from Chris, before Leonard ushered them both out of the kitchen, telling them to set the table.

"Trust Jim to cheer people up," Chris commented, "Even sad little girls."

Leonard nodded. "I think, you had a part in that, too, though. I seem to smell Joana's favorite dish there." He smiled, trying to show Chris how much he appreciated the gesture.

"Small steps, Leonard," Chris replied, returning the smile and handing him a platter laden with steaming pancakes.

* * *

Laurel called on her brother just after lunch that day, and when Chris opened the door, he instantly found himself wrapped in a firm embrace.

"Scoundrel! You could have told us you're back!"

"Well, hello to you, too, Laurel."

Laurel boxed him in the chest. "Whatever possessed you to keep us all in the dark so long? Really, Chris, I should be mad at you. I am mad at you! So is Balder. We're your family Chris, and we _worry_ about you!"

"There's no need for that. I'm fine."

_Okay, now, that was a serious understatement…_

"You are?" Laurel asked, her large grey eyes studying his face. "Huh. Yes, I believe you are. You're positively glowing. What happened? Did they give you another ship so you can blow it up?"

"I didn't blow up the last one. That was Jim Kirk's doing," Chris protested with a grin. "But no, Laurel, no more ships for me."

"Huh. Then it's personal."

"Yes."

Laurel continued to study him for a moment, then squealed like a little girl. "Aw, Chris, that's soooo cute…!"

Chris frowned. "I was afraid you'd say something like that."

"Well…? Are you going to invite me in or not?"

"So you can satisfy your curiosity?" He asked pointedly.

"Sure." Laurel rolled her eyes. "Jeez, Chris, of course I'm curious! You're my brother, for God's sake. I mean, I've met Leonard McCoy, but at that time, I met him as your doctor, so it was more or less a professional meeting, and not a very pleasant one, either. I'd like to meet my future brother-in-law, though."

"Laurel!" Chris exclaimed, throwing up his hands. "You're impossible! We're not even close to that."

"…yet," Laurel said unperturbed by her brother's obvious discomfort. "I know you, Chris. You don't do things by halves."

"Hey," Jim said from behind Chris, "what's going on? I heard shouting." He peered around his former mentor, caught sight of Laurel and flashed her a smile. "Oh, it's you. Come to check on your troublesome brother? He's okay now. You know, most normal people are fine with taking medicine. He just takes the doctor."

"Jim, I'm going to hit you." Chris groaned.

Laurel, on the other hand, found the comment to be hilarious and her amusement erupted into peals of laughter.

"So, have you proposed to Bones yet?" Jim asked conversationally.

"Not you, too!"

Laurel and Jim exchanged a broad grin.

* * *

_A bit of fluff to make you feel all warm and fuzzy even though its cold and icy outside (at least here in Berlin)..._

_I've got a piece of bad and two pieces of good news for you. Bad news is that there will only be two more chapters to this story. Good news are that I'm currently working on the M-rated oneshot (the missing scene between chapters 16 and 17) I promised Lunetta and that there will be a sequel._


	18. We'll be fine

_- "Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." –_

_Data, in the TNG episode "Haven"_

_

* * *

_

"Is that the little girl?" Laurel asked. "My, she's a little beauty, isn't she? Does she have her father's eyes?"

"You met him almost three years ago and still remember the color of his eyes?" Chris asked.

Laurel shrugged. "He's got very pretty blue eyes. It's not that easy to forget them."

They had just stepped out onto the terrace and were now watching Leonard and Joana who sat on the grass, playing a board game. Suddenly, Leonard raised his head and noticed them. He seemed startled by Laurel's sudden appearance and dropped the dice he had been holding in his right hand.

Laurel put on her most dazzling smile and called out a greeting to them.

Leonard got up and strolled over to them. Joana followed at his heels, looking slightly apprehensive.

"Laurel, meet Leonard and Joana McCoy. Leonard, Joana – my sister, Laurel Rasmussen." Despite himself, Chris was feeling a little nervous.

_Please, Laurel, try not to embarrass me for once…_

Leonard and Laurel shook hands. "We've met before," Laurel said. "At the hospital. When Chris was sick."

Leonard nodded slowly. "I remember."

_Somehow, that doesn't sound as if their first meeting was a particularly happy one…_

Laurel surprised him, though. "I never properly thanked you for saving my brother's life. I am grateful, though. He may be a secretive bastard and annoying as hell sometimes, but I think I'd miss him if he wasn't around anymore." Her eyes twinkled mischievously, which did not bode well for Chris.

Leonard smiled. "Anytime."

"Well in that case, welcome to the family, Leonard." Laurel grinned at him and Chris hid a sigh of relief. His sister then turned to Joana and started chatting to her. At first, Joana seemed a bit skeptic, but being a mother of three, Laurel knew how to talk to children, and it was really hard to resist her.

"She's not used to so much attention. First you, then Jim, and now Laurel… I think, she's a little overwhelmed," Leonard murmured, leaning closer to Chris as they watched Laurel tell Joana the story of how her daughter Freya had caught a frog in the garden and brought it inside to show it to her parents, but the frog, frantically trying to escape his little captor, had ended up jumping right into her father's coffee pot. Laurel was talking animatedly, using her hands to vividly describe the scene.

"Was he mad?" Joana asked timidly.

"Balder? You bet! He's usually pretty cranky before he's had his first cup of coffee, and suddenly finding a frog inside that cup didn't make things any better. We managed to rescue the poor frog, though. I put it back outside, and it was hopping away so fast that I don't think it wants to have anything to do with humans ever again."

"Which is quite understandable," Jim said. "I wouldn't want to take a bath in coffee, either."

"Ugh," Joana said, shuddering at the thought.

* * *

"You need to come over for dinner," Laurel insisted, when she, Chris and Leonard were seated at the coffee table. Jim and Joana were still outside, throwing a tiny blue ball for Lucky, who was happy to finally have found someone who never grew tired of playing with her.

"To meet the family?" Chris asked, his brows raised.

"Among other things. Balder is curious, too, you know. Even though he'd never admit it. Besides, I really meant what I said about welcoming Leonard and Joana to the family." She smiled at Leonard, before turning back to face her brother. "You're looking happier than I've seen you in years, Chris, which in turn makes me happy. So stop fussing and say you'll be there."

"I don't know, Laurel… it might be a bit too much for Joana. She's just lost her mother."

"All the more reason for making her feel welcome," Laurel said.

Chris looked at Leonard, who gave a shrug. "She's a little confused at the moment, but then, we all are, sort of. So I don't think it'd hurt."

"I probably should have warned you," Chris said, smiling wryly and shaking his head, "Even though I've relentlessly tried to get rid of my little sister, I'm afraid, it's a package deal. And to make matters worse, she comes with an overbearingly considerate husband, who's constantly worrying about something or nothing, and three adorable, precocious daughters."

"Ha!" Laurel snorted. "Hark who's talking! Chris, if anyone is willing to suffer _you_, he can probably take just about anything." She turned to Leonard. "Don't listen to him. We may be a bit eccentric, but on the whole, we're a lot easier to get along with than Chris himself. Besides, he and Balder are best friends and he secretly just loves us all to pieces."

Leonard grinned. "It isn't that hard to see, really."

Chris opened his mouth to say something, then heard an alarm sound from the other room and got up. "I'll be right back."

"Starfleet Command?" Laurel asked.

"You can tell that from the sound?"

"Duh. I spent the last ten years working on one of the largest space stations in the Federation, Chris. I know all the different communication alert signals and what they mean. Communications officers frequently manage to wreck their equipment, and guess who they turn to when that happens – right the friendly engineer-on-duty. Better get that call, now. I'm guessing that whichever admiral or commodore is at the other end of that connection, he or she won't appreciate to be kept waiting."

* * *

Despite Laurel's predictions, Admiral Malcolm Reed didn't seem to mind that Chris had made him wait for about four minutes before getting his call.

"Christopher. You look well."

"You're the second person to say that today, Malcolm."

"Well, then it must be true." Reed smiled. "Don't worry; I won't pester you with personal questions. In my opinion, everybody is entitled to a bit of privacy, even though I'm having a hard time trying to teach my husband that alien concept."

"He'd probably get along well with my sister," Chris replied, frowning.

Reed chuckled. "Ah, yes, the notorious Laurel Rasmussen. She's a wonderful person, though. And a very good engineer. So she's back on Earth?"

"Yes, and I'm beginning to regret that." Chris replied, frowning.

Reed shook his head. "I don't buy it… So, now that we've both complained about our nearest and dearest, let's get down to business – I've got a job for you."

Chris raised his brows. "How come? Last time I checked, Liu was in charge of personnel deployment."

"Yes, but he's kind of busy right now and you're a special case. Now that Rebekka has managed to persuade her husband that your refusal to become ambassador to Romulus isn't high treason, we've been discussing how to make the best use of your considerable talents and experience. There were voices saying that you really should go back to teaching, but it just so happens that we've got another position to fill, and it's a somewhat more urgent call. Amrita Khan is dead."

Chris looked up in surprise. Vice Admiral Amrita Khan was – or rather had been – the Head of Starfleet Tactical. He remembered her as a tiny, white-haired woman with a resolute manner and a very powerful voice.

"What happened?"

"According to her husband, she died of a severe allergic reaction after eating a strange Andorian dish. It was definitely natural causes, though, we already looked into it." Which was quite understandable, since the Head of Starfleet Tactical would have been a potential target for terrorists and probably had made quite a few enemies during her time in office.

"I am very sorry to hear that," Chris said. He hadn't known Amrita Khan very well, but there were probably people grieving for her right now.

"Yes, we all were. But no matter how sad the circumstances maybe, we are now in urgent need of finding a replacement. Nogura suggested you, when I spoke to him this morning, and I must say, I like the idea. Archer and Liu are backing it up, too. In short, we've already decided that we want you for the job."

"Me?" Chris said somewhat doubtfully. "That's…"

"A huge honor, and so on and so forth. Just say yes, Chris. It's not as if we were leaving you any options, anyway. You're the right man for the job, and after quitting your last two without giving any explanations, you'll just have to accept what we're willing to offer you now." There was a telltale twinkle in Reed's eyes.

Chris sighed. "Anyone ever told you you're pretty devious, Malcolm?"

"Really, what a shocking thing to say, Christopher."

* * *

When he returned to the living room, Laurel shot him an inquisitive look. "Well…?"

Chris shook his head. "Not now."

"Which means: you don't want to tell me," Laurel pouted.

"Because it doesn't really concern you," he replied, looking at her sternly in his best _I'm-your-big-brother-and-always-will-be-_manner. "But to satisfy you're curiosity – I just spoke to Admiral Malcolm Reed, who seems to be pretty impressed with you. I didn't know you'd met him."

Laurel's eyes lit up. "Really? Well, it's been a while… I think I met him before Freya was even born, so it must be six or seven years, maybe more now…"

"Slick, Chris, very slick," Leonard murmured, his eyes twinkling.

* * *

That evening, when Laurel had left them to look after her own family, and Leonard was upstairs, putting Joana to bed, Jim joined Chris for a glass of brandy in the living room. Chris studied the young captain silently for a moment, watching him swirl the amber-colored liquid inside the glass.

"You look a little tired, Jim."

Jim looked up to meet his steady gaze with that trademark smile. "I guess I am. Grown-ups tend to forget how exhausting playing all day can be."

"Absolutely," Chris agreed, returning the smile as he thought of Joana. "I'm very grateful for your help, though, and I believe, so is Leonard."

"Don't mention it. Family, remember?"

"Indeed," Chris replied thoughtfully, wondering whether this was the appropriate time to voice an idea that had been o his mind for quite a while now. In the end, he decided against it. Not yet… soon, but not yet. Let things settle down a bit, first.

"They're going to make me head of Starfleet Tactical," he said instead.

Jim raised his brows. "Really? Way to go, Chris! I guess that means you've decided to remain earth-bound for the rest of your career…?"

"I quit space when I quit _Enterprise_, and you know that, Jim," Chris replied complacently. "Though I've got several new good reasons to remain on firm ground now."

"Imagine that," Jim murmured, grinning. "You know, I should be mad at you for stealing my CMO, but I'm not. I'm just happy for you guys. And Joana. Even though she's lost her Mom, she'll have a set of amazing parents. And a really cool aunt to go with them."

"Don't forget the cats."

"Hey, from her point of perspective, they really are an important factor! I don't think she'd have taken to you so fast if you were the proud owner of a _boa constrictor_ instead…"

"Well, then it's a good thing that I'm afraid of snakes, isn't it?"

"You're not afraid of anything."

"Okay, let me rephrase that… I don't like snakes." Chris took a sip of brandy. "But snakes aside, Jim – I think it's time you went on vacation. You're on shoreleave, and God knows that the captain of a starship gets preciously little time to relax. You should make good use of it. Go out. Have some fun."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Jim asked, still grinning.

"No. But I know you had plans before that accident happened, and much as we all appreciate your help, there's no need for you to sacrifice your entire vacation. There's Ariana Chekov's wedding to attend to, and I was under the impression that you wanted to take Spock for another of those hiking trips."

"He's right," Leonard said from the door as he entered the room, "Go break your neck, Jim. I even promise to put you back together if you fall down one of those cliffs." His voice sounded gruff, but the underlying fondness was hard to miss.

"You sure there isn't anything else I could do to help…?" Jim asked.

Chris and Leonard simultaneously shook their heads.

"We'll be fine."

* * *

_A note on Admiral Malcolm Reed... I like mixing "Enterprise" characters with characters from the new movie timeline, or rather, my version(s) of it, and Mal has always been one of my favorites. As you may have noticed, he's quit space and is happily married to Trip in this story, so "Distant Closeness" could be part of the same verse as my story "Torment" where he is concerned. _

_As for the incident with the frog - that one really happened, only that the little girl in question was called Francesca instead of Freya and that the frog jumped into her mother's coffee pot. Luckily for the poor frog, the coffee was cold, though...^^  
_


	19. Beyond the Sea

„ _Allah gümüş kapıyı kaparsa altın kapıyı açar." -_

_(If God closes the silver door, he will open the golden door)_

_- Turkish proverb -_

_

* * *

_

_We'll be fine…_

And they were. It took some time, obviously; time to adjust, time to get used to a whole new way of life and to settle down.

Time for Joana to gradually grow less sad and accept that even though she'd always miss her mother, life went on and still held plenty of pleasant surprises and happy endings in store.

Time for Chris, who had always been a lone wolf by choice to grow accustomed to having a child in the house and a lover by his side, of being part of a real family, his own family.

Time for Leonard to grow re-acquainted with his daughter, to stop checking his ears and rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming or having hallucinations every time Chris told him _I love you_ and to get used to working in a hospital instead of the _Enterprise's_ sickbay.

Chris had been right, though – as soon as word got around in the medical community that Leonard was back on Earth and planning to stay there, he was positively flooded with job offers. He finally opted for joining Leila Maliki's special case team at Starfleet Medical, and he didn't regret his choice.

Before assuming their new positions, though, both Chris and Leonard made sure to spend several weeks together and with Joana. Laurel, Balder and their daughters frequently joined them for lunch, dinner or day-trips and Leonard found that he liked both Chris' sister and her husband exceedingly. Balder Rasmussen was a quiet, thoughtful man, several years older than Chris. Even though he seemed to worry a lot, he was a pleasant companion and gifted with a dry sense of humor – probably the only thing that helped him to preserve his sanity, being married to Laurel.

"I do admire your patience," Leonard told him jokingly one evening, after Chris had already threatened to put his sister over his shoulder and dump her in the garden pond.

Balder smiled wryly and touched a hand to his silvery gray hair. "She keeps me young," he replied, "With Laurel at your side, there's at least one new surprise each day." He turned to look at Chris and Laurel, arguing over some unimportant fact. "It's good to see them together again. They are polar opposites, but they need each other. He's a calming influence on her, and she's the only person alive who loves him unconditionally, but can still see his flaws and has the guts to point them out."

And then, glancing back at Leonard he thoughtfully added: "Well… maybe not anymore. It took Chris more than twenty years to get over Thore's death, but apparently he's made good use of them. He was a good man when I first met him; he's a remarkable man now. But moreover, he's found his peace. He knows what he wants and it's making him happy. Isn't that the highest goal anyone could achieve?"

"Isn't it awkward?" Leonard asked. "Seeing me and remembering your brother in my place?"

Balder studied him for a moment before replying: "Thore has never been in your place, because Chris was a different person back then. There's no need to feel anxious about it, Leonard. I miss him, but I could hardly justify holding a grudge against you simply because you're in a relationship with Chris. Quite the opposite, actually. Besides – much as I loved my brother, I was never blind to his flaws. This may surprise you, but even if I were to compare you against each other – which I'd never do – I'm convinced you would turn out to be the better choice for Chris. I want you to know that and live by it."

He had spoken calmly and with a quiet conviction that told something about how much thought and consideration he had given to the matter. Leonard was seriously impressed and even slightly awed. Such a vote of confidence from a man like Balder really meant something.

Suddenly, Balder smiled again. "You know, apart from all the reasonable explanations… I haven't seen a picture of Thore in Chris' house or ship quarters for ten years, but I've heard more about you during the last three years than I ever wanted to know. It doesn't take very good eyesight to see that he is absolutely smitten with you."

And Leonard's heart did a quiet little somersault at that.

* * *

Leonard was trying to concentrate on the particulars of Joana's school enrollment form when Chris walked into the room grinning broadly. "Jim sends his regards… and an assortment of sly comments."

"Wonderful," Leonard huffed, "he'll be on my nerves forever. What's he doing?"

"He said something about Lieutenant Lafayette, Spock and a whirlpool…"

"WHAT?"

Chris sat down on the bed next to him, chuckling. "Relax. From what I've gathered, the three of them went skiing and Spock wasn't quite up to the cold. There's not much snow on Vulcan, come to think of it, and a Vulcan's body temperature is higher than a human's, so poor Spock was probably freezing out there. Anyway, it appears that Lieutenant Lafayette – pragmatic as she is – suggested that he get into the whirlpool to warm up. Jim of course had a lot of fun at his expense and threatened to join him there and according to him, Spock turned emerald green at the thought…"

"Imagine that," Leonard muttered dryly.

"He'll be leaving two days from now," Chris mused, "Shoreleave's almost over."

Leonard looked up from the PADD to meet his gaze. "I'll miss them all, if that's what you're wondering about. I'm still convinced I made the right choice, though."

"Well, good." Chris took his hand. "It's okay to have some regrets, though."

"The only thing I regret is not being able to keep a wary eye on Jim anymore," Leonard replied gruffly, "But I'll leave that to Spock now. Let's see how the green-blooded hobgoblin deals with _that one."_

"He'll have his work cut out, trying to keep Jim in check," Chris agreed, "But then, they were probably made for each other. Destiny's got a strange sense of humor sometimes."

* * *

A week before Chris reported to duty as Head of Tactical, Leonard set foot into Starfleet Medical and Joana started classes at her new school, they took her sailing.

As it turned out, Laurel and Chris had one hobby they were both passionate about and had shared since their childhood – their boats. What had started with sailing lessons and occasional trips in their youth had ended up in them each owning a yacht of their own. The slender boats lay side by side at the dock gently rocked by the incoming waves.

The slightly larger blue yacht to the left was Laurel's _Seagull_ and to the right, gleaming white in the early morning sunlight was Chris' _Beyond_. Except for Elva, who had a tendency to get seasick and preferred to stay ashore, Laurel's daughters shared her love for sailing, and Balder, even though not particularly enthusiastic about it himself, enjoyed watching them amuse themselves.

Joana loved every minute of their trip. From the moment Chris helped her aboard she clung to him, bombarding him with questions and ready to try everything herself. The wind blew strands of her black hair into her face, and when she laughed; her eyes sparkled in the color of the water surrounding them.

Leonard, who had been a bit apprehensive at first, had to admit that this trip had been a really good idea and should evolve into a regular thing.

"You won't get seasick, will you?" Chris teased. "And if you do, please give me the same warning you gave Jim when you first met."

Leonard groaned, rolling his eyes. "You'll never forget that, will you? Neither of you. Well, no, Chris, I won't. I only hate things that fly, and I doubt that for all your skills, the two of you will manage to get this boat to grow wings."

Chris exchanged a wink and a grin with Joana. "Watch us."

* * *

That night, when Joana had fallen asleep as soon as her head had touched the pillow and was now dreaming of boats and the ocean and the yearning calls of seagulls in the distance; Chris stepped to his desk in the study just before going to bed. He took a moment to look at the screen, then, with a confident nod and a wistful smile he hid the "send" button and a file began to travel its way through subspace channels.

Chris turned around and walked to the bedroom, still smiling to himself.

Yes. It had been the right decision.

Now he just had to wait for the answer…

* * *

Around three o'clock local time Leonard sat up straight with a start. He blinked into the semi-darkness of the room just to find and equally startled Chris positively jumping out of bed, calling the lights and reaching for his phaser, reflexes drilled into him by years of combat training and personal experience.

"What the hell…?" Leonard groaned as a startlingly familiar beeping sound ruptured the silence. "Who calls you in the middle of the night?"

"It's not Starfleet Command, I can tell you that," Chris replied.

"Huh. Different ringtone, right?" Leonard muttered, remembering what Laurel had said as he followed Chris to the study barefooted.

When he saw the caller's face on the screen, though, he couldn't suppress a startled oath. "Jim…? Goddammit, kid!"

"It's three o'clock in the morning," Chris added mildly.

"Sorry," Jim apologized, "I just got off my shift. By the way, cute pajamas, Bones. I sincerely apologize for having woken you up, guys, but I just needed to see your face when you read this, Chris."

"Oh?" Chris returned.

"File should reach you any moment."

Chris bent forward to check. "Yes, it has."

"Well, go ahead and open it!"

"I don't get it. What are you talking about?" Leonard cut in, seriously confused now.

Chris opened the file, and slowly, a gentle smile crept on his face.

"Duh," Jim complained, "I was hoping for an enthusiastic shout of _'It's a boy!' _ or something similar at the very least."

"Have you been keeping any secrets I should know about?" Leonard asked sternly, fixing Chris with a dubious gaze.

"Congrats, you just got a stepson," Jim cheerfully told him.

Leonard looked from Chris to him and back, trying to comprehend, until it finally hit him. "You _adopted_ him? You seriously adopted this brat?"

Chris nodded, still smiling. "I wasn't certain he'd sign the papers, though."

"You kidding me?" Jim protested. "Of course I did!"

"Well then everything's settled now, isn't it?"

"Let's have a party!" Jim suggested, beaming.

"I think I'm going to faint," Leonard muttered.

"I promise not to call you Mom. Ever," Jim said, trying to put on his most serious expression and failing miserably.

"Welcome to the family, Jim," Chris said warmly, catching a somewhat bedazzled Leonard, who was nearly choking on his reply to Jim's statement, in his arms.

* * *

_I do hope I got the quote right, my Turkish really isn't that good (yet) and I recently had to give it up in favor of Arabic, since no matter how many petitions I already adressed to the higher powers, the day still only has twenty-four hours and I'd need at least thirty-six to fit in all my extra language classes. Oh well... _

_A word on Chris adopting Jim - yes I know adoption isn't that simple, probably not even in the 23rd century, but I thought that an extended discussion of adoption law might just bore you to death. After all, I wanted the last chapter to be fluffy and cute, not tedious._

_

* * *

Huh... so I guess that's it. _**THE END. **_At least for this story; as I already said, there'll be a sequel.__ At this point, though, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who's been following this story and especially to the people who regularly commented on it. Thank you so much, guys! You encouraged me to keep going and I hope you enjoyed this story and like the way it turned out._

_Francesca.  
_


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